So I got engaged!!! It was the best thing of my life. Everything I ever dreamed it would be. Pure Blisssss. I love it. I love being engaged. I love William. More than anything in the world. But becoming his wife... has been quite the journey.
It was a no-brainer that we would be together. He is my soulmate. But the "how" it was all going to work... is still coming into view.
We have been struggling with this law school decision. For a very long time now. There are SO many factors, SO many options and SO many different outcomes. And the worst part: they are all good, worthy options. If one was bad, it would be easy to decide and pick the 'good' one. But they are all good, in their own way. There is no obvious answer, it totally depends on who you ask. Each option comes with its own risks and its own rewards, its own trials and its own blessings. I feel very blessed that we do have options, but it is SUCH a hard decision. We change our minds every minute of every day. One second we are leaning toward this option and the next day our perspective sides with another, different option.
Perspective. That is what this is really all about. And we have enough of it to last us a life time. We have the studio perspective, the law school perspective, the financial perspective, the family perspective, the lifestyle perspective, and millions more.
Nobody will ever understand the battle William and I have fought throughout this process. Unfortunately, many times it was against each other. With so many perspectives, it is rare if we are both on the same page at the same moment. And the second we are, our perspectives change. We both strive to be selfless, but then we fight over the other person being too selfless. It is such a battle. And like I said, noone will ever know the struggle it has been for us.
Last night was different, though. It was a quiet struggle. A law school made us an offer and they are giving us 7 days to decide on it. This would be easy except the other schools we were counting on that may be better options have yet to voice their decisions. So how can We make a decision without all the cards on the table?
Last night we decided it was time to sit down and really talk about it. Within the first five minutes of our conversation I began to cry. The conflicting wishes are overwhelming and I have a hard time being logical about such an emotionally-charged decision. He held me and we tried to keep talking. It was something I couldn't cry my way out of this time. I am just grateful for his strength and patience with me. So we talked some more. We listed our options like we have done millions of times before. We went over the pros, the cons, the risks, the rewards, the what-ifs, the what-if-nots, the advice from others, the research, the long term, the short term, our goals, our situations, our friends, our family, our jobs, our priorities, and a million other factors. And we talked our way into hours of contemplation that ended the same way it started: tears. And so here we are.
I know when I look back on our lives, this will be but a small moment. But right now it feels like the most difficult, far reaching decision ever. All I want is for him to be happy and fulfilled, and all he wants is for me to be happy and fulfilled. But with so much unknown and so much on the line, it is so very difficult to make this decision.
So we will take it one day at a time. And I know that everything will work out, just not quite sure how.
Most engaged couples plan their wedding, and figure out where they need to move/live for the husband to have a career. But in our case, my career is very much established and immovable which makes it difficult because I want nothing more than for him to reach his incredible potential in the law field and be the breadwinner he was meant to be. But trust me, we have come up with every option available (and unavailable).
I just have to trust that if we keep praying and working together, this decision will be made in its due time in the best way possible.
xoxo Will's Wife
{ almost ;) }
