boyfriend brag

Can i just talk about how in love i am?? of course. this is my blog lol.

I am so crazy about my William... I am SO in love with him. It is amazing how I went all my life dating a bunch of different guys and trying to decipher if one was more suitable for me than the others, then all of a sudden I meet William and BAM! game over. That was that.
I knew he was the one.  No questions, no doubts... although i did manage to come up with some, I always knew he would be the one I'd spend the rest of my life with. He wasn't the richest or the tallest or the most religious or the furthest in his career...  but i knew he was the one i wanted to spend eternity with.

And although I may not do it a ton here... I whine a lot about my relationship. Sad, huh? I have fits about the smallest things, and nag him endlessly.  I complain and talk about how sometimes I wish I were still single... well I lie. Because that is the biggest lie I have ever told.  There is not a bone in my body that honesty, truly still wishes I were single.
 
Being in a serious relationship is the most fulfilling, sacred, humbling, enlightening, joyful thing I have ever experienced.  Waking up every morning, knowing that you are somebody's world. His everything. His top priority, go-to gal, and bff.  Undeniably the best feeling in the world.

Now this may seem all in line to you... but a lot of people that talk to me in person just get the drama side and the arguments and the whining about having to share music stations and give up clubbing.  A lot of my single friends will look at me and think "man i'm grateful i am single".  Which makes me sad and helps me realize that I am giving off the wrong impression...

I forget that they aren't there to see the way I smile at him when he holds my hand, or the way he makes me laugh.  They aren't there during those intimate moments when he holds my face in his hands and tells me i'm the only one for him, or when he grabs me and pulls me in close for a kiss mid-argument.  They don't know about our funny inside jokes or silly rock paper scissors kissing game.  They have no clue what 'face wrestling' means to us and certainly don't know that when i tell him i hate that he grabs my booty in public... i secretly love knowing that he's proud to call me, his own.

He may not be perfect (none of us are), but he's perfect for me.  Even our worst fights... our lowest lows... our darkest days have always ended in "snuggles and tisses". I hate fighting and disagreeing and trying to make relationships work and pushing thru tough times in general, but he makes it worth every effort and tear and struggle i have.  I would do anything to keep him.

It's funny because I like to feel like i'm in control.  Worst trait for a relationship, right? lol.  Well he knows this (because he takes the time to get to know and understand me).  And so lots of times we will disagree about something, like where we want to live when we're older.  And of course, me feeling vulnerable and like i'm losing power, I tell him that we will just be apart because I am stubborn and I want to live where I want to live.  Or sometimes he mentions wanting to do study abroad- and i'm def not havin that. We did the long distance thing- it was death. I despised every second I was apart from him. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. It damaged me on so many different levels. So i tell him I would never do that again. We would just have to go our separate ways...

But truth is... I would do it. I would hate it, I would kick and scream, but we would make it work. We've gone thru so much and whether it's been couples therapy, the grace of God, or a committed friend that pulled us through... we made it.  So I honestly don't care what comes our way- I refuse to lose him.  And I am more stubborn on that statement than anything else. I am just grateful that he feels the same way- he worked so hard to get me, and will do anything to keep me.  Because honestly, a relationship takes, more than anything, 2 determined people that are willing... willing to struggle and endure and forgive each other every second of every day, because those intimate moments when he kisses my forehead and thanks God that I came into his life... make it all worth it.

Another example is marriage. I want to marry him. Now. Today. This very second. I'm ready. I know he is the one. The tax break would be nice. The wedding- phenomenal. Let's go! hahaha but he isn't so sold on the timing. So when we talk about it- i like to say "If you don't marry me in the next year, then I am going to go find someone else".  (trying to feel all hard core and in control). But then he asks me if I want him... or if i just want a wedding... and mentions that it may be 2 or 3 years before he feels it is suitable timing for a marriage.  I get so mad, and throw my threats at him again.

But truth is... I would stay with him unmarried for 50 years if it meant i could just stay.with.him. (shh don't tell him that) I would kick and scream... but I would make it work.  Because my love for him knows no temporal, materialistic, conditional, or tangible end.  It just doesn't. (But thank goodness he doesn't want to wait that long). haha.

So lately I have a lot of people asking me why we are not taking the marriage plunge.  And although I claim to be ready for marriage right now... we both agree that waiting a little while can only make us more ready and more in love. So here is why we choose to wait...

*We are young, so young. He just turned 21, and i'm only 22. (which is like 34 in mormon years... but so what). We are still changing and figuring out who we want to be and what we want to do with our lives. Right now, we are able to do that together, but still have wiggle room on our own.  It is easier to figure how to change together when you're not being shoved under the same roof, down each others throats 24/7. No pressure, just exploration- hand in hand.  Also- he wants to be done with his undergrad degree when we get married. I'm less sold on this idea, but if it makes him feel more ready and capable of nurturing his marriage, then by all means- i will foster that inner, patient-jerica that doesn't exist, and I will wait. haha.

*My family history... not the best record when it comes to marriages lol.  I've experienced a few divorces first-hand, which makes me susceptible to falling into one myself.  Research says that the longer I date before marriage, the lower my chances of divorce are. (within reason, of course) Longer courtship improves marriage success rates in general. Again, within reason.

*We love dating. We've lived together before- when I would go stay out in Malibu. Loved it. It was great.  But what we love even more is being able to have a good time, and not have to go home and talk/argue about dishes or bills or who will make the bed.  Those will all come in due time, but not now.  We love that we can fight, go home to our separate houses, take some time to think about things, then call each other up and apologize and say how much we already miss the other person.  This, we feel, is a much more efficient way to learn relationships (having experienced both ways), and we have much to learn.

I compare 'learning to be in a relationship' to 'learning how to swim'... Right now, we are in the kiddie pool learning how to swim.  It is good and still a challenge, but we are learning.  Getting married right now would be like throwing us into the rapids- where it is much harder to learn because you are merely trying to survive, not strive.
Skiing too- the longer you spend on the bunny slope and slowly progress up, the better end result you will have.  But, if like me, you went on the big slopes for your first day of learning, you will simply crash and end up with a lot of blood and very little learning... like I did. So, no rush haha. We will know when we are ready and want to take that plunge, but right now- we Love dating each other!!

And don't get me wrong- I know that marriage is dating... times a bajillion.  I have been told and have seen how incredible it can be when done right.  So that is what we are trying to strive for... but let's be honest.  Some days I just want a big huge wedding and a cute lil' blog that says "The Johnson's" hahahaha.

xoxo miss jer bree

Bye Summer... Hope ya find your dad.

Well apparently Summer is over, but it never really came for me.  I guess such is life when you're an adult.  Don't get me wrong, there were moments when it totally felt like Summer, but these were few and far between. Here are a few of them: late night star gazing, twilight concert series, arts festival, evening walks, and a few trips to the pool.  But, the bulk of my Summer has been spent... figuring out how to have a relationship (which is more of a journey than a destination), finding a job and working lots, lamenting the move from Malibu, attempting to rediscover my passion in life and set worthy goals to give me a sense of direction, trying to figure out how the heck Independent Study classes work so I can actually get my degree, and moving everything I own out of my parents house.   Fun, right? haha I mean i can't really complain- having Hayes here is such a huge blessing.  But, I will always say that every blessing comes with its set of curses.  Allow me to elaborate.

I've never had a "real" relationship.  Allow me to elaborate and avoid any offense I may have just caused- I have never had a relationship that has had an actual, proximal chance of ending in... ya know... the "M" word.  I mean anything before college was... before college. And everything in college was... in college lol. But now shiz got real. And i'm as unprepared as ever. Let's look at some factors that i believe contribute to this unpreparedness...

First, I was raised by a single mom.  She had her house the way she wanted it and we ate what she wanted when she wanted to make it listening to her music having everything look the way she preferred.
Second, I was an only child. I didn't share a crumb. I had my own room, my own mom, my own toys and tapes and everything else I owned- all mine.
Third, as previously mentioned, I've never had a "real" relationship (by my definition of it having actual/proximal chance for "M").  If things went wrong in my old relationships, it wasn't too big of a deal.  Either because I was young and self-consumed anyway, or I was old and still, self-consumed.  Not in a selfish way, but in a- 'You may be gone tomorrow, i'm too young for the 'm' word, and my school matters most' way. Well then I graduated.... #gamechanger.

And, against my initial will, I am in a relationship. Oh, you didn't know that? Yeah... I wasn't the biggest fan of commitment. At all. Ever. I mean maybe to a certain degree... but once you commit to someone you're in it, and if you screw something up, it no longer just effects you. Not to mention- you are paying the price for all their bad decisions as well (this ends happy, i promise).  So anyway, I didn't want to deal with that my senior year of college. I was young and wild and free, and didn't want the pressure of a real relationship. But, a certain young man just thought I might be worth it... and he challenged me to take the plunge into commitment (after I had already severed it between us once before).  Wow- what a crazy dude! I had showed my inability to be in a real relationship once by destroying his heart and contributing to one of his biggest life trials, but yet he wanted to give it another try. Initially, I said no. (why am i telling you this story? ...oh well).  But after I hung up the phone and talked to Britt roommie who asked me to wake up and smell the roses... I realized that this was my big chance to change my ways and start going down the path that I saw myself on in 10 years.  And, although it scared my damaged heart to death, i took the leap and let myself be truly vulnerable for the first time.
It was scary, but we made it work. It was hard, and the distance didn't help. Or did it? God only knows. He's running this show anyway. But we pushed through and Hayes finally moved here. And boy was that a challenge and a half.  I've never had so many emotions surge thru my body in such little time. I loved him one day then hated him the next- and I'm not exactly one to hide how i'm feeling (unfortunately or fortunately). There were a few other stress factors playing a part at this time, but all around it was just a wreck.  Me trying to harmonize my independent, crazy free soul with my love and dedication to him- yikes. I ended up falling to one extreme or the other, but thankfully after about a month or so, reconciliation began (which again, is a journey- not a destination). And so things got better and now we are just crazy in love and never argue a single breath. jk. I would hate that. Because either we'd both given up or the passion is dead- either of which lead to a bummer relationship.

Anyway... back to my numbered list of reasons I am no good in relationships (single mom, only child). As silly as it sounds, it is so hard for me to learn how to share.  How to share time, attention, interests, families, friends, food, tv channels, radio stations... oh radio stations.  That has honestly been the root of more fights than anything else I know (although I am convinced it is solely because of the type and shadow it represents).
I don't like listening to his music. I just don't like it. So why would I? I don't like hanging out with His friends, so why would I? I don't like eating his type of food, so why would I?
I'll tell you why... because life is so much more enjoyable when I have him by my side.  And I will do anything to keep him there. So I guess I'll set my last preset to 80's rock, and i actually really like his friends, mexican food isn't so bad, and another episode of Pawn Stars couldn't hurt.

And here is the ironic thing... ask me why i love him? Okay, i'll tell you. Because he's everything i'm Not. He is the exact opposite of me... in personality, style, interests, preferences, perspectives etc.  Yet I get mad when we do too much of 'his' stuff.  The stuff that makes him who he is... the man i love so much.  So... i have tried to embrace the differences and appreciate the opposite-ness (God bless our children).

Well... now that that's been said lol. I really don't have any other updates.
 Dance started back up! Oh what a blessing that has been in my life throughout the years. That is my safe haven... my happy place.  I don't know what I would do without my dancers- they mean the world to me.  I can't wait for this year- it is going to be amazing.
I am also applying to grad school. So yeah there ya have it.

xoxo miss jer bree 

What he Doesn't do.

A lot of girls love their men because of all the great things they do... but i love mine for the many things he Doesn't do...

*He doesn't yell at me. He doesn't lose his patience or temper with me. Ever.
*He doesn't give up on me, no matter how many times i push him to, because times get tough. He refuses.
*He doesn't become complacent. I hear about relationships growing dull and monotonous, but not so with him.  He still acts like it's our first day together and gives me just as many kisses and compliments.
*He doesn't need to be told more than once. If i ever express a need, it is fulfilled.
*He doesn't change who he is. He stays true to his personality despite what the world and others pressure him to do.
*He doesn't get sick of me.
*He doesn't let me get away with everything.
*He doesn't sweat the small things.
*He doesn't have to get his way to be happy.
*He doesn't let me go un-held.
*He doesn't stay mad or hold grudges.
*He doesn't just watch me cry, he embraces me and wipes the tears even if it's mid- fight, or worse, mid-movie lol.
*He doesn't judge me. Ever. For anything. (and trust me- there is plenty to judge)
*He doesn't have double standards.
*He doesn't look at other girls.
*He doesn't disrespect his family.
*He doesn't dwell on the negative.
*He doesn't care what other people think.
*He doesn't mind losing a night (or fifty) of sleep for me... 
*He doesn't try to change me.
*He doesn't act impulsively or get irrational.
*He doesn't spend his money frivolously.
*He doesn't do the gossip thing. Or the drama.
*He doesn't mind working hard.
*He doesn't get to obsessed or consumed with things.
*He doesn't leave service unserved.
*He doesn't use guilt on people.
*He doesn't let others dictate his life.
*He doesn't ever stop loving me.

xoxo miss jer bree