10/26
Well i fear my facebook friends are gettin real sick of seeing all my 'sick girl' pics and updates, yet i have plenty more to say. So, here we go.
Okay so it all started on Monday. I was having life anxiety about having a college degree and folding clothes for a living, not knowing where i want to go or who i want to be. So, I took a temp job in an insurance office for a day in hopes of having a follow up interview. Got there, they stuck me in tiny office with no windows or humans, reading tiny numbers and making phone calls to French people. i started making the calls, but after a while, I freaked. i began to panic. my hands started shaking. i ran to the bathroom and puked my guts out and went home thanking goodness that i would have the opportunity to fold clothes in a lively environment with music, interaction and the greatest people in the world the following day. (i don't do well in offices lacking emotional and interpersonal stimulation)
Well i went home to sleep it off, but to my surprise, woke up feeling worse. i slept thru the night, but could hardly breathe the next morning. my stomach pain was intense and i spent almost all of Tuesday in the bathroom. In fact, i've spent everyday since then the exact same way. The body aches are unforgiving and the headache- relentless. The throwing up has stayed down to once or twice a day, mainly in my throat, but i haven't been so fortunate on the other end (ew gross). I can't eat. The mere thought makes me sick. I am down to about 200 calories a day. The weird thing- i haven't had a fever, nobody around me has gotten sick (aka boyfriend), i haven't traveled out of the country or gone camping, and no... I'M NOT PREGNANT. haha if i had a dime for every time someone asked me that in the past week. i really just thought it was the stomach flu... but i can hardly move now. I went to instacare yesterday but they couldn't diagnose me so they sent me home with nausea medicine and some pedialite (sp?). I woke up worse and went to the U where they gave me Another pregnancy test (which was negative as i insisted) and hooked me up to an IV (ThrEe pokes later) to give me some fluids since i was so dehydrated. They ran some urine and blood tests that i will find out about on Monday. Doc thinks it may be a bladder or kidney infection. He put me on some meds and sent me home. Am i feeling better? more or less.
But i think this battle has been as much mental as it has been physical. First off, let's talk about everything i've missed... aka work! okay i'm not exactly financially fit these days. missing a week of work... Ouch! really not ideal. at all. Not to mention it's been an uphill battle to get my shifts covered, but i've had a lot of help at the dance studio so that is nice. Additionally, i have missed basically everything that requires leaving my bed. i lay here all day and watch tv. everytime i think i'm well enough to leave the house... i soon regret it. it's weird... when you're sick it feels like you'll Never get better. or is that just me? it feels like this is my life now- no wonder i'm depressed. i've never been sick for longer than a day or two, so this is just cramping my style.
But i have had some serious support... William has been a Saint! I don't even know where to begin. He has literally waited on me hand and foot. And since i ended up going cold turkey on my normal daily meds... i haven't exactly been the most pleasant to be around. But boy he has had more patience and love and forgiveness than anyone i know. Talk about Charity and Christ-like attitude. This man exemplifies the Savior. I have cried multiple times each day, but he has been there for every tear. He has rubbed my back and gotten my meds each time i've needed. He goes straight from the house to class, and then runs back home to check on me in between classes even tho he's still trying to cram in his work and school load at the same time. I feel bad, but this experience has really made him grow up quick and he's done it with flying colors. I can't say enough good things about my man, he has really pulled thru for me.
And he's not the only one... my mom has been a Huge help and support, in more than one way. She met me at the doctor today and got me the help i may have otherwise missed out on.
And from everyone else! i am really just so grateful for the concerned texts and comments and prayers... they mean a lot to mean. When you're cooped up in a bed all day it's nice to see how much people care.
So here's to hoping I get better. prayers welcomed. I guess this illness will just run its course, which hopefully won't be too much longer. Choking down crackers and water will only last so long.
all in all this experience has helped me be So grateful for my health- please protect yours. And it has made me truly admire and look up to those individuals that have to endure longer illnesses. It makes me sick (lol) to think of someone having to live this way for longer a week. What strong spirits are among us!
xoxo miss jer bree
10/27
Wow. Words cannot express my joy and gratitude today. "my cup runneth over". I feel so.much.better. So apparently it was a kidney infection, and those meds and prayers really worked!! Wow i am beyond grateful i can have my life back and wash my hair again lol. My heart truly goes out to those enduring or that have endured longer illnesses- i applaud you.
Embrace and nourish your body! you only get one!
xoxo miss jer bree
Miss Jer Bree... #youngandinlove
Saturday, 27 October 2012
Monday, 17 September 2012
Picture perfect #notsomuch
...and here is what I got.
xoxo miss jer bree
Wednesday, 5 September 2012
shattered.
I have no words. To say nor to write. Thank you for all your love and support, I'm sorry for the silence. Each of these tell a part of my story, you'll get the idea...
Monday, 27 August 2012
boyfriend brag
Can i just talk about how in love i am?? of course. this is my blog lol.
I am so crazy about my William... I am SO in love with him. It is amazing how I went all my life dating a bunch of different guys and trying to decipher if one was more suitable for me than the others, then all of a sudden I meet William and BAM! game over. That was that.
I knew he was the one. No questions, no doubts... although i did manage to come up with some, I always knew he would be the one I'd spend the rest of my life with. He wasn't the richest or the tallest or the most religious or the furthest in his career... but i knew he was the one i wanted to spend eternity with.
And although I may not do it a ton here... I whine a lot about my relationship. Sad, huh? I have fits about the smallest things, and nag him endlessly. I complain and talk about how sometimes I wish I were still single... well I lie. Because that is the biggest lie I have ever told. There is not a bone in my body that honesty, truly still wishes I were single.
Being in a serious relationship is the most fulfilling, sacred, humbling, enlightening, joyful thing I have ever experienced. Waking up every morning, knowing that you are somebody's world. His everything. His top priority, go-to gal, and bff. Undeniably the best feeling in the world.
Now this may seem all in line to you... but a lot of people that talk to me in person just get the drama side and the arguments and the whining about having to share music stations and give up clubbing. A lot of my single friends will look at me and think "man i'm grateful i am single". Which makes me sad and helps me realize that I am giving off the wrong impression...
I forget that they aren't there to see the way I smile at him when he holds my hand, or the way he makes me laugh. They aren't there during those intimate moments when he holds my face in his hands and tells me i'm the only one for him, or when he grabs me and pulls me in close for a kiss mid-argument. They don't know about our funny inside jokes or silly rock paper scissors kissing game. They have no clue what 'face wrestling' means to us and certainly don't know that when i tell him i hate that he grabs my booty in public... i secretly love knowing that he's proud to call me, his own.
He may not be perfect (none of us are), but he's perfect for me. Even our worst fights... our lowest lows... our darkest days have always ended in "snuggles and tisses". I hate fighting and disagreeing and trying to make relationships work and pushing thru tough times in general, but he makes it worth every effort and tear and struggle i have. I would do anything to keep him.
It's funny because I like to feel like i'm in control. Worst trait for a relationship, right? lol. Well he knows this (because he takes the time to get to know and understand me). And so lots of times we will disagree about something, like where we want to live when we're older. And of course, me feeling vulnerable and like i'm losing power, I tell him that we will just be apart because I am stubborn and I want to live where I want to live. Or sometimes he mentions wanting to do study abroad- and i'm def not havin that. We did the long distance thing- it was death. I despised every second I was apart from him. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. It damaged me on so many different levels. So i tell him I would never do that again. We would just have to go our separate ways...
But truth is... I would do it. I would hate it, I would kick and scream, but we would make it work. We've gone thru so much and whether it's been couples therapy, the grace of God, or a committed friend that pulled us through... we made it. So I honestly don't care what comes our way- I refuse to lose him. And I am more stubborn on that statement than anything else. I am just grateful that he feels the same way- he worked so hard to get me, and will do anything to keep me. Because honestly, a relationship takes, more than anything, 2 determined people that are willing... willing to struggle and endure and forgive each other every second of every day, because those intimate moments when he kisses my forehead and thanks God that I came into his life... make it all worth it.
Another example is marriage. I want to marry him. Now. Today. This very second. I'm ready. I know he is the one. The tax break would be nice. The wedding- phenomenal. Let's go! hahaha but he isn't so sold on the timing. So when we talk about it- i like to say "If you don't marry me in the next year, then I am going to go find someone else". (trying to feel all hard core and in control). But then he asks me if I want him... or if i just want a wedding... and mentions that it may be 2 or 3 years before he feels it is suitable timing for a marriage. I get so mad, and throw my threats at him again.
But truth is... I would stay with him unmarried for 50 years if it meant i could just stay.with.him. (shh don't tell him that) I would kick and scream... but I would make it work. Because my love for him knows no temporal, materialistic, conditional, or tangible end. It just doesn't. (But thank goodness he doesn't want to wait that long). haha.
So lately I have a lot of people asking me why we are not taking the marriage plunge. And although I claim to be ready for marriage right now... we both agree that waiting a little while can only make us more ready and more in love. So here is why we choose to wait...
*We are young, so young. He just turned 21, and i'm only 22. (which is like 34 in mormon years... but so what). We are still changing and figuring out who we want to be and what we want to do with our lives. Right now, we are able to do that together, but still have wiggle room on our own. It is easier to figure how to change together when you're not being shoved under the same roof, down each others throats 24/7. No pressure, just exploration- hand in hand. Also- he wants to be done with his undergrad degree when we get married. I'm less sold on this idea, but if it makes him feel more ready and capable of nurturing his marriage, then by all means- i will foster that inner, patient-jerica that doesn't exist, and I will wait. haha.
*My family history... not the best record when it comes to marriages lol. I've experienced a few divorces first-hand, which makes me susceptible to falling into one myself. Research says that the longer I date before marriage, the lower my chances of divorce are. (within reason, of course) Longer courtship improves marriage success rates in general. Again, within reason.
*We love dating. We've lived together before- when I would go stay out in Malibu. Loved it. It was great. But what we love even more is being able to have a good time, and not have to go home and talk/argue about dishes or bills or who will make the bed. Those will all come in due time, but not now. We love that we can fight, go home to our separate houses, take some time to think about things, then call each other up and apologize and say how much we already miss the other person. This, we feel, is a much more efficient way to learn relationships (having experienced both ways), and we have much to learn.
I compare 'learning to be in a relationship' to 'learning how to swim'... Right now, we are in the kiddie pool learning how to swim. It is good and still a challenge, but we are learning. Getting married right now would be like throwing us into the rapids- where it is much harder to learn because you are merely trying to survive, not strive.
Skiing too- the longer you spend on the bunny slope and slowly progress up, the better end result you will have. But, if like me, you went on the big slopes for your first day of learning, you will simply crash and end up with a lot of blood and very little learning... like I did. So, no rush haha. We will know when we are ready and want to take that plunge, but right now- we Love dating each other!!
And don't get me wrong- I know that marriage is dating... times a bajillion. I have been told and have seen how incredible it can be when done right. So that is what we are trying to strive for... but let's be honest. Some days I just want a big huge wedding and a cute lil' blog that says "The Johnson's" hahahaha.
xoxo miss jer bree
I am so crazy about my William... I am SO in love with him. It is amazing how I went all my life dating a bunch of different guys and trying to decipher if one was more suitable for me than the others, then all of a sudden I meet William and BAM! game over. That was that.
I knew he was the one. No questions, no doubts... although i did manage to come up with some, I always knew he would be the one I'd spend the rest of my life with. He wasn't the richest or the tallest or the most religious or the furthest in his career... but i knew he was the one i wanted to spend eternity with.
And although I may not do it a ton here... I whine a lot about my relationship. Sad, huh? I have fits about the smallest things, and nag him endlessly. I complain and talk about how sometimes I wish I were still single... well I lie. Because that is the biggest lie I have ever told. There is not a bone in my body that honesty, truly still wishes I were single.
Being in a serious relationship is the most fulfilling, sacred, humbling, enlightening, joyful thing I have ever experienced. Waking up every morning, knowing that you are somebody's world. His everything. His top priority, go-to gal, and bff. Undeniably the best feeling in the world.
Now this may seem all in line to you... but a lot of people that talk to me in person just get the drama side and the arguments and the whining about having to share music stations and give up clubbing. A lot of my single friends will look at me and think "man i'm grateful i am single". Which makes me sad and helps me realize that I am giving off the wrong impression...
I forget that they aren't there to see the way I smile at him when he holds my hand, or the way he makes me laugh. They aren't there during those intimate moments when he holds my face in his hands and tells me i'm the only one for him, or when he grabs me and pulls me in close for a kiss mid-argument. They don't know about our funny inside jokes or silly rock paper scissors kissing game. They have no clue what 'face wrestling' means to us and certainly don't know that when i tell him i hate that he grabs my booty in public... i secretly love knowing that he's proud to call me, his own.
He may not be perfect (none of us are), but he's perfect for me. Even our worst fights... our lowest lows... our darkest days have always ended in "snuggles and tisses". I hate fighting and disagreeing and trying to make relationships work and pushing thru tough times in general, but he makes it worth every effort and tear and struggle i have. I would do anything to keep him.
It's funny because I like to feel like i'm in control. Worst trait for a relationship, right? lol. Well he knows this (because he takes the time to get to know and understand me). And so lots of times we will disagree about something, like where we want to live when we're older. And of course, me feeling vulnerable and like i'm losing power, I tell him that we will just be apart because I am stubborn and I want to live where I want to live. Or sometimes he mentions wanting to do study abroad- and i'm def not havin that. We did the long distance thing- it was death. I despised every second I was apart from him. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. It damaged me on so many different levels. So i tell him I would never do that again. We would just have to go our separate ways...
But truth is... I would do it. I would hate it, I would kick and scream, but we would make it work. We've gone thru so much and whether it's been couples therapy, the grace of God, or a committed friend that pulled us through... we made it. So I honestly don't care what comes our way- I refuse to lose him. And I am more stubborn on that statement than anything else. I am just grateful that he feels the same way- he worked so hard to get me, and will do anything to keep me. Because honestly, a relationship takes, more than anything, 2 determined people that are willing... willing to struggle and endure and forgive each other every second of every day, because those intimate moments when he kisses my forehead and thanks God that I came into his life... make it all worth it.
Another example is marriage. I want to marry him. Now. Today. This very second. I'm ready. I know he is the one. The tax break would be nice. The wedding- phenomenal. Let's go! hahaha but he isn't so sold on the timing. So when we talk about it- i like to say "If you don't marry me in the next year, then I am going to go find someone else". (trying to feel all hard core and in control). But then he asks me if I want him... or if i just want a wedding... and mentions that it may be 2 or 3 years before he feels it is suitable timing for a marriage. I get so mad, and throw my threats at him again.
But truth is... I would stay with him unmarried for 50 years if it meant i could just stay.with.him. (shh don't tell him that) I would kick and scream... but I would make it work. Because my love for him knows no temporal, materialistic, conditional, or tangible end. It just doesn't. (But thank goodness he doesn't want to wait that long). haha.
So lately I have a lot of people asking me why we are not taking the marriage plunge. And although I claim to be ready for marriage right now... we both agree that waiting a little while can only make us more ready and more in love. So here is why we choose to wait...
*We are young, so young. He just turned 21, and i'm only 22. (which is like 34 in mormon years... but so what). We are still changing and figuring out who we want to be and what we want to do with our lives. Right now, we are able to do that together, but still have wiggle room on our own. It is easier to figure how to change together when you're not being shoved under the same roof, down each others throats 24/7. No pressure, just exploration- hand in hand. Also- he wants to be done with his undergrad degree when we get married. I'm less sold on this idea, but if it makes him feel more ready and capable of nurturing his marriage, then by all means- i will foster that inner, patient-jerica that doesn't exist, and I will wait. haha.
*My family history... not the best record when it comes to marriages lol. I've experienced a few divorces first-hand, which makes me susceptible to falling into one myself. Research says that the longer I date before marriage, the lower my chances of divorce are. (within reason, of course) Longer courtship improves marriage success rates in general. Again, within reason.
*We love dating. We've lived together before- when I would go stay out in Malibu. Loved it. It was great. But what we love even more is being able to have a good time, and not have to go home and talk/argue about dishes or bills or who will make the bed. Those will all come in due time, but not now. We love that we can fight, go home to our separate houses, take some time to think about things, then call each other up and apologize and say how much we already miss the other person. This, we feel, is a much more efficient way to learn relationships (having experienced both ways), and we have much to learn.
I compare 'learning to be in a relationship' to 'learning how to swim'... Right now, we are in the kiddie pool learning how to swim. It is good and still a challenge, but we are learning. Getting married right now would be like throwing us into the rapids- where it is much harder to learn because you are merely trying to survive, not strive.
Skiing too- the longer you spend on the bunny slope and slowly progress up, the better end result you will have. But, if like me, you went on the big slopes for your first day of learning, you will simply crash and end up with a lot of blood and very little learning... like I did. So, no rush haha. We will know when we are ready and want to take that plunge, but right now- we Love dating each other!!
And don't get me wrong- I know that marriage is dating... times a bajillion. I have been told and have seen how incredible it can be when done right. So that is what we are trying to strive for... but let's be honest. Some days I just want a big huge wedding and a cute lil' blog that says "The Johnson's" hahahaha.
xoxo miss jer bree
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