It's been made. And it's final.
The U!!!!!
I am thrilled! I am thrilled I get to stay in state with my family, friends, Business, etc. I am thrilled that he will graduate completely debt free. I am thrilled I get to stay with my baby girls and nurture my studio until it is the biggest, most well-known in the state! I am thrilled we get to live in one of our favorite cities ever- Cottonwood Heights. Where we both grew up! I am thrilled he got a scholarship. I am thrilled it will be a cake walk for him to be in the top of his class. I am thrilled.
But if I were to end there, I wouldn't be being "real". Which is why I started this blog- to be real. Really me and really honest. I am honestly Stoked about this decision, but I am also a little bummed. I am bummed that Hayes had to turn down a freaking phenomenal scholarshp offer (they practically begged) from a ranked 15 school! (The U is 40 or 50 something) I am bummed I don't get to move to California and live in the only other place than here that feels like I belong. I am bummed that Hayes doesn't get to show off a fancy bumper sticker of a top-ranked law school (many of which accepted him) that is brag worthy. I am bummed the projected median salary went from 6 to 5 digits once we picked this school. But at the end of the day, I am realizing that the Lord has blessed me with a new kind of trial. (Thank goodness he gave me a break from the other ones- I don't think I could have handled any more).
I am used to handling crazy, chaotic, cops-involved trials and drama. But this is different. This is a quiet, logical trial. Like I said in my other post, emotion can't solve or cope with this trial. Which is nice! I am just not used to it.
I am learning to be grateful, and stable, and in love with my life and the guy I get to share it with- that part is easy. I am learning to make decisions as a couple (something very difficult for this domineering diva). I am learning that sometimes my way is not the best way (don't tell the dancers this haha). I am learning that bigger is not always better, and that following your heart and ignoring your head only works when you're a young single adult (moving to DC, falling in love with a rocker in Malibu, opening a dance studio). But now that I am getting older, I am realizing there are other good options. Not just the most exciting ones.
So there you have it. Maybe I am a little bitter because I bleeeeeed blue haha. But you betcha I will support that red through and through!
I cannot even fathom what the future has in store, and I could not be more excited. All I know is that as long as I am with William, all is well. Oh and God was right- it does all work out if you trust him.
xoxo Will's Wife
{almost}
Miss Jer Bree... #youngandinlove
Friday, 4 April 2014
Monday, 31 March 2014
Becoming Will's Wife
So I got engaged!!! It was the best thing of my life. Everything I ever dreamed it would be. Pure Blisssss. I love it. I love being engaged. I love William. More than anything in the world. But becoming his wife... has been quite the journey.
It was a no-brainer that we would be together. He is my soulmate. But the "how" it was all going to work... is still coming into view.
We have been struggling with this law school decision. For a very long time now. There are SO many factors, SO many options and SO many different outcomes. And the worst part: they are all good, worthy options. If one was bad, it would be easy to decide and pick the 'good' one. But they are all good, in their own way. There is no obvious answer, it totally depends on who you ask. Each option comes with its own risks and its own rewards, its own trials and its own blessings. I feel very blessed that we do have options, but it is SUCH a hard decision. We change our minds every minute of every day. One second we are leaning toward this option and the next day our perspective sides with another, different option.
Perspective. That is what this is really all about. And we have enough of it to last us a life time. We have the studio perspective, the law school perspective, the financial perspective, the family perspective, the lifestyle perspective, and millions more.
Nobody will ever understand the battle William and I have fought throughout this process. Unfortunately, many times it was against each other. With so many perspectives, it is rare if we are both on the same page at the same moment. And the second we are, our perspectives change. We both strive to be selfless, but then we fight over the other person being too selfless. It is such a battle. And like I said, noone will ever know the struggle it has been for us.
Last night was different, though. It was a quiet struggle. A law school made us an offer and they are giving us 7 days to decide on it. This would be easy except the other schools we were counting on that may be better options have yet to voice their decisions. So how can We make a decision without all the cards on the table?
Last night we decided it was time to sit down and really talk about it. Within the first five minutes of our conversation I began to cry. The conflicting wishes are overwhelming and I have a hard time being logical about such an emotionally-charged decision. He held me and we tried to keep talking. It was something I couldn't cry my way out of this time. I am just grateful for his strength and patience with me. So we talked some more. We listed our options like we have done millions of times before. We went over the pros, the cons, the risks, the rewards, the what-ifs, the what-if-nots, the advice from others, the research, the long term, the short term, our goals, our situations, our friends, our family, our jobs, our priorities, and a million other factors. And we talked our way into hours of contemplation that ended the same way it started: tears. And so here we are.
I know when I look back on our lives, this will be but a small moment. But right now it feels like the most difficult, far reaching decision ever. All I want is for him to be happy and fulfilled, and all he wants is for me to be happy and fulfilled. But with so much unknown and so much on the line, it is so very difficult to make this decision.
So we will take it one day at a time. And I know that everything will work out, just not quite sure how.
Most engaged couples plan their wedding, and figure out where they need to move/live for the husband to have a career. But in our case, my career is very much established and immovable which makes it difficult because I want nothing more than for him to reach his incredible potential in the law field and be the breadwinner he was meant to be. But trust me, we have come up with every option available (and unavailable).
I just have to trust that if we keep praying and working together, this decision will be made in its due time in the best way possible.
xoxo Will's Wife
{ almost ;) }
It was a no-brainer that we would be together. He is my soulmate. But the "how" it was all going to work... is still coming into view.
We have been struggling with this law school decision. For a very long time now. There are SO many factors, SO many options and SO many different outcomes. And the worst part: they are all good, worthy options. If one was bad, it would be easy to decide and pick the 'good' one. But they are all good, in their own way. There is no obvious answer, it totally depends on who you ask. Each option comes with its own risks and its own rewards, its own trials and its own blessings. I feel very blessed that we do have options, but it is SUCH a hard decision. We change our minds every minute of every day. One second we are leaning toward this option and the next day our perspective sides with another, different option.
Perspective. That is what this is really all about. And we have enough of it to last us a life time. We have the studio perspective, the law school perspective, the financial perspective, the family perspective, the lifestyle perspective, and millions more.
Nobody will ever understand the battle William and I have fought throughout this process. Unfortunately, many times it was against each other. With so many perspectives, it is rare if we are both on the same page at the same moment. And the second we are, our perspectives change. We both strive to be selfless, but then we fight over the other person being too selfless. It is such a battle. And like I said, noone will ever know the struggle it has been for us.
Last night was different, though. It was a quiet struggle. A law school made us an offer and they are giving us 7 days to decide on it. This would be easy except the other schools we were counting on that may be better options have yet to voice their decisions. So how can We make a decision without all the cards on the table?
Last night we decided it was time to sit down and really talk about it. Within the first five minutes of our conversation I began to cry. The conflicting wishes are overwhelming and I have a hard time being logical about such an emotionally-charged decision. He held me and we tried to keep talking. It was something I couldn't cry my way out of this time. I am just grateful for his strength and patience with me. So we talked some more. We listed our options like we have done millions of times before. We went over the pros, the cons, the risks, the rewards, the what-ifs, the what-if-nots, the advice from others, the research, the long term, the short term, our goals, our situations, our friends, our family, our jobs, our priorities, and a million other factors. And we talked our way into hours of contemplation that ended the same way it started: tears. And so here we are.
I know when I look back on our lives, this will be but a small moment. But right now it feels like the most difficult, far reaching decision ever. All I want is for him to be happy and fulfilled, and all he wants is for me to be happy and fulfilled. But with so much unknown and so much on the line, it is so very difficult to make this decision.
So we will take it one day at a time. And I know that everything will work out, just not quite sure how.
Most engaged couples plan their wedding, and figure out where they need to move/live for the husband to have a career. But in our case, my career is very much established and immovable which makes it difficult because I want nothing more than for him to reach his incredible potential in the law field and be the breadwinner he was meant to be. But trust me, we have come up with every option available (and unavailable).
I just have to trust that if we keep praying and working together, this decision will be made in its due time in the best way possible.
xoxo Will's Wife
{ almost ;) }
Wednesday, 12 February 2014
Of Lately
I'm telling you. I can't ever keep this thing up to date. That is partially because there isn't a Ton to update on...
Studio stuff is still all-consuming. But, it is definitely becoming more enjoyable. The stress never leaves, but I have learned to embrace and manage it. At the end of the day, no matter how overwhelmed I am, I still love my job! Which is a lot more than many people can say. I feel very blessed.
And torn! ...but that part will come later. This year. And until then, it is negligible.
So last Fall was good. I am learning at a rapid rate- about running a business, handling dance moms, deciphering priorities, overcoming illness, managing staff, and a bajillion other things that I have listed under my lengthy iphone note title "DLA for Next Year".
But I feel that I am doing extremely well for our first year. And the exciting part- it will only get better from here!! I have wild dreams and goals for my studio, but I have to remember- you can't eat an elephant over night.
Anyway, I am very passionate about my business, the girls. Oh the girls. They mean so so much to me!! It kinda scares me haha. The care I have for them and the amount of sacrifice and investment I commit to them... must be what that parenting thing feels like.
So Hayes is good. He graduated from his undergrad in economics YAY! and retook the LSAT to get an incredible score of 168. I could not be more proud of him! And curious as to how he is being so successful with such an overly-passionate crazy girlfriend haha. I am just glad I have the studio or I think my desire to distract him would be much higher. It's kinda weird to see that Hayes and I are growing up together. But very exciting at the same time. And I love it. I love having us achieving goals and growing in our own ways, yet together. Its so fun to have a best friend that is so invested in your success and knows you sooo well and cares to understand every aspect of you and loves you and kisses you... love those kisses! So anyway- he's great. He now works full time at a law firm in American Fork. I should say he works part time, because part of the time he is eagerly on his phone checking law school application statuses haha. I love to see his dedication to his career. It is refreshing and lends to our commonality of priorities. (He would be really confused about reading this because all I do is complain about him being on his phone 24/7 checking apps) haha. He has been accepted to a few schools, namely Minnesota who offered him $90,000. HELLO!!! yaaaa. He's a stud.
Another fun thing we were able to do last Fall was spend some time with my brothers and lovely step mom! I have really missed my family that is my brothers and Carol. Like really bad. They are so much a part of me, and to be able to spend so much time with them over this last year- pure heaven. I LOVE going to Jaxon's gigs or hanging out with Jayden, causing some kinda mischief. And I love having them get to know Hayes- because they sure do like him! I kinda do too... haha. And my lovely step mom- who went through more than anyone will ever know for my dad, and is seriously the best step mom a girl could ask for! Ever!!!! I have just loved spending time with them. They are part of my identity and my wonderful family. I love it! I love watching my brothers be in high school and meeting their friends and fighting the urge to be an overbearing protective big sister haha. I love hearing about their passions and plans for the future. So great.
So ya! I've been pretty happy these days. Which is good, because opening the studio was hell. It was so much pressure, physical labor, and anxiety beyond belief. But now I am able to enjoy and improve it. I have also gotten back to the gym and lost 7 lbs! Although, this week has been a struggle. But I will push through. I can't wait for Valentine's Day!! I got Hayes an awesome present and he has something exciting planned!!
So for New Years, Hayes and I wrote down our 2014 goals.
Here are mine:
-Win Competitions
-Build my savings account
-Get married
-Be positive
-Create a more healthy/fit lifestyle
-Learn from my studio 1st year to make the 2nd year better
-Make the best of where William gets into law school
-Pray more
-Learn how to do my own nails
-Manage and lessen my stress
-Get more dancers at DLA
Here are Hayes':
-Get into a good law school
-Get straight A's
-Lose Weight
-Improve relationship
-Find a good job
-Exercise More
-Save money
-Be less stressed
-Be more organised
(yes, that is how he wanted to spell it)
So it appears we are well on our way to achieving these! I love what has been going on this year and can't wait to see where it takes us!
xoxo miss jer bree
Studio stuff is still all-consuming. But, it is definitely becoming more enjoyable. The stress never leaves, but I have learned to embrace and manage it. At the end of the day, no matter how overwhelmed I am, I still love my job! Which is a lot more than many people can say. I feel very blessed.
And torn! ...but that part will come later. This year. And until then, it is negligible.
So last Fall was good. I am learning at a rapid rate- about running a business, handling dance moms, deciphering priorities, overcoming illness, managing staff, and a bajillion other things that I have listed under my lengthy iphone note title "DLA for Next Year".
But I feel that I am doing extremely well for our first year. And the exciting part- it will only get better from here!! I have wild dreams and goals for my studio, but I have to remember- you can't eat an elephant over night.
Anyway, I am very passionate about my business, the girls. Oh the girls. They mean so so much to me!! It kinda scares me haha. The care I have for them and the amount of sacrifice and investment I commit to them... must be what that parenting thing feels like.
So Hayes is good. He graduated from his undergrad in economics YAY! and retook the LSAT to get an incredible score of 168. I could not be more proud of him! And curious as to how he is being so successful with such an overly-passionate crazy girlfriend haha. I am just glad I have the studio or I think my desire to distract him would be much higher. It's kinda weird to see that Hayes and I are growing up together. But very exciting at the same time. And I love it. I love having us achieving goals and growing in our own ways, yet together. Its so fun to have a best friend that is so invested in your success and knows you sooo well and cares to understand every aspect of you and loves you and kisses you... love those kisses! So anyway- he's great. He now works full time at a law firm in American Fork. I should say he works part time, because part of the time he is eagerly on his phone checking law school application statuses haha. I love to see his dedication to his career. It is refreshing and lends to our commonality of priorities. (He would be really confused about reading this because all I do is complain about him being on his phone 24/7 checking apps) haha. He has been accepted to a few schools, namely Minnesota who offered him $90,000. HELLO!!! yaaaa. He's a stud.
Another fun thing we were able to do last Fall was spend some time with my brothers and lovely step mom! I have really missed my family that is my brothers and Carol. Like really bad. They are so much a part of me, and to be able to spend so much time with them over this last year- pure heaven. I LOVE going to Jaxon's gigs or hanging out with Jayden, causing some kinda mischief. And I love having them get to know Hayes- because they sure do like him! I kinda do too... haha. And my lovely step mom- who went through more than anyone will ever know for my dad, and is seriously the best step mom a girl could ask for! Ever!!!! I have just loved spending time with them. They are part of my identity and my wonderful family. I love it! I love watching my brothers be in high school and meeting their friends and fighting the urge to be an overbearing protective big sister haha. I love hearing about their passions and plans for the future. So great.
So ya! I've been pretty happy these days. Which is good, because opening the studio was hell. It was so much pressure, physical labor, and anxiety beyond belief. But now I am able to enjoy and improve it. I have also gotten back to the gym and lost 7 lbs! Although, this week has been a struggle. But I will push through. I can't wait for Valentine's Day!! I got Hayes an awesome present and he has something exciting planned!!
So for New Years, Hayes and I wrote down our 2014 goals.
Here are mine:
-Win Competitions
-Build my savings account
-Get married
-Be positive
-Create a more healthy/fit lifestyle
-Learn from my studio 1st year to make the 2nd year better
-Make the best of where William gets into law school
-Pray more
-Learn how to do my own nails
-Manage and lessen my stress
-Get more dancers at DLA
Here are Hayes':
-Get into a good law school
-Get straight A's
-Lose Weight
-Improve relationship
-Find a good job
-Exercise More
-Save money
-Be less stressed
-Be more organised
(yes, that is how he wanted to spell it)
So it appears we are well on our way to achieving these! I love what has been going on this year and can't wait to see where it takes us!
xoxo miss jer bree
Thursday, 19 September 2013
Fall-ality
Well my word. it has been a quick minute!!
I mean GEEZE!!!
My life is a whirlwind. Like honestly. I opened the business- it's going very well. A lot of stress and consumption of my life and sanity, but it's great. It's hard, too. I did a lot of growing up in a little amount of time. I should be used to that, but this time it was a little harder. Or maybe it just feels that way...
I am at that age where I have become aware of my growing up and the agency involved. Maybe this is what makes it sting a bit more. Ya know like at age 3 kids are basically doing the same thing as other 3 years old. And even seniors in high school are generally just being seniors in high school with the rare outliers. But once you hit 23 years old... i mean wow! There is a vast spectrum of life decisions being made and the degree to which people are making them. Some 23 year olds are married with 2 kids (you go Tune). Some are working retail and deciding if they want to pursue college. Some are partying and making the greatest mistakes of their lives. Some are opening businesses while others are dancing on poles. Some are applying to grad schools while others are applying for a divorce. I mean by golly! The options are endless. And the range in maturity levels... incredible.
I feel like I was ready for this growth spurt. I guess? I mean are you really ever ready? How is readiness determined? by completing the previous stage? or by having an imminent need revealed? Who knows. Well I jumped into the studio biz and went full throttle and then I suddenly started feeling the pressure. I am now the face of a brand. People are choosing to invest in my brand based on many things- myself included. Such investments determine the outcome of my business. But no pressure...
***Studio
It started with a twerk video my friend Adriane and I made. It wasn't anything nasty like Miley Cyrus. It was a fun harmless video for a 22yo to make... as long as she isn't the face of a classy thousand dollar investment. I started feeling so torn like... eff the world imma be young and do me!! Haha but I pushed through and maintained that image.
Oh how much joy this brought me. Not to mention- these girls are my world. But the fact that they realize I am young and I am human!! Although I still won't tell them that my "W" tattoo is real, I am allowed to be myself in their eyes and be silly and make mistakes and recover. These little girls love me for who I am and for how old I am. And goodness know they respect me and understand when to treat me as their coach and not their friend. It helped me realize that I can do both- run the business and enjoy my youth. What a relief this was!
So anyway, reconciling that has been a huge step.
And besides annoying mom complaints, dead bats, broken ballet bars, more annoying moms, a leaking roof, third-degree burns, a few more annoying moms and cleaning toilets- I honestly feel like this dance studio is a dream!
No really tho... the annoying moms are few and far between. They just tend to seem larger than life in my head. The bulk of them love and support me like no tomorrow. And I get to sleep in every day! Hollar! Being my own boss was a dream come true. And a nightmare... ;)
***Hayes
The guy's a dream. I don't want to brag too much or I fear someone will try their luck with him haha. Our relationship has been pure bliss. There must be something that happens at 2.5 years of dating. It isn't honeymoon stage... and it's past the reality check... it is pure bliss. Ya know? like when you realize you are both in it for the long haul and you have a system in place that works and you just fall deeper in love each day. He is incredible. Makes me laugh so hard. Literally my best friend- I can only say that because we have gone thru hell together. Multiple times. But when I am with him I am happy. Treats me like a goddess and all we want to do is serve each other and nurture our relationship. Our love has turned more selfless than it has ever been, and he is seriously my world. I'm pretty sure the insta-universe is sick of hearing about him. But I can't help it- the guy really is a dream.
Other updates: I am as big as a house, but working at getting to the gym. My Family is perfect as always. I need to write a post about my dad... soon hopefully.
xoxo Miss Jer Bree
I mean GEEZE!!!
My life is a whirlwind. Like honestly. I opened the business- it's going very well. A lot of stress and consumption of my life and sanity, but it's great. It's hard, too. I did a lot of growing up in a little amount of time. I should be used to that, but this time it was a little harder. Or maybe it just feels that way...
I am at that age where I have become aware of my growing up and the agency involved. Maybe this is what makes it sting a bit more. Ya know like at age 3 kids are basically doing the same thing as other 3 years old. And even seniors in high school are generally just being seniors in high school with the rare outliers. But once you hit 23 years old... i mean wow! There is a vast spectrum of life decisions being made and the degree to which people are making them. Some 23 year olds are married with 2 kids (you go Tune). Some are working retail and deciding if they want to pursue college. Some are partying and making the greatest mistakes of their lives. Some are opening businesses while others are dancing on poles. Some are applying to grad schools while others are applying for a divorce. I mean by golly! The options are endless. And the range in maturity levels... incredible.
I feel like I was ready for this growth spurt. I guess? I mean are you really ever ready? How is readiness determined? by completing the previous stage? or by having an imminent need revealed? Who knows. Well I jumped into the studio biz and went full throttle and then I suddenly started feeling the pressure. I am now the face of a brand. People are choosing to invest in my brand based on many things- myself included. Such investments determine the outcome of my business. But no pressure...
***Studio
It started with a twerk video my friend Adriane and I made. It wasn't anything nasty like Miley Cyrus. It was a fun harmless video for a 22yo to make... as long as she isn't the face of a classy thousand dollar investment. I started feeling so torn like... eff the world imma be young and do me!! Haha but I pushed through and maintained that image.
Last night I was sitting with my little girls. I was painting a door at the studio and they were sitting around visiting. One of them said "Miss Jerica. You are going to be such a great mom when you grow up!" Another one piped in "Hello!! Miss Jerica is already grown up!" Another one combated with, "No she isn't! She is still young and likes boys and stuff." The last one commented "Yeah maybe when she and Hayes get married she will be a grown up."
Oh how much joy this brought me. Not to mention- these girls are my world. But the fact that they realize I am young and I am human!! Although I still won't tell them that my "W" tattoo is real, I am allowed to be myself in their eyes and be silly and make mistakes and recover. These little girls love me for who I am and for how old I am. And goodness know they respect me and understand when to treat me as their coach and not their friend. It helped me realize that I can do both- run the business and enjoy my youth. What a relief this was!
So anyway, reconciling that has been a huge step.
And besides annoying mom complaints, dead bats, broken ballet bars, more annoying moms, a leaking roof, third-degree burns, a few more annoying moms and cleaning toilets- I honestly feel like this dance studio is a dream!
No really tho... the annoying moms are few and far between. They just tend to seem larger than life in my head. The bulk of them love and support me like no tomorrow. And I get to sleep in every day! Hollar! Being my own boss was a dream come true. And a nightmare... ;)
***Hayes
The guy's a dream. I don't want to brag too much or I fear someone will try their luck with him haha. Our relationship has been pure bliss. There must be something that happens at 2.5 years of dating. It isn't honeymoon stage... and it's past the reality check... it is pure bliss. Ya know? like when you realize you are both in it for the long haul and you have a system in place that works and you just fall deeper in love each day. He is incredible. Makes me laugh so hard. Literally my best friend- I can only say that because we have gone thru hell together. Multiple times. But when I am with him I am happy. Treats me like a goddess and all we want to do is serve each other and nurture our relationship. Our love has turned more selfless than it has ever been, and he is seriously my world. I'm pretty sure the insta-universe is sick of hearing about him. But I can't help it- the guy really is a dream.
Other updates: I am as big as a house, but working at getting to the gym. My Family is perfect as always. I need to write a post about my dad... soon hopefully.
xoxo Miss Jer Bree
Sunday, 30 June 2013
Sweet words from my BFF
My bestie Tune wrote this on my wall a few days ago. I loved it so much, I wanted to put it somewhere I could keep it. Love her.
"I've never met anyone who believes in love as much as you do. Honestly, we all can learn a lesson from you guys! ...to be as willing to sacrifice, endure, fight, be crazy, be realistic, be honest as you! Sacrifice anything and everything and know we're being sacrificed for- to any degree, and accept it. Endure life, time, tears, gossip, family, the past, the future, endure yourself. Fight. Fight. Be crazy, love like crazy, run like crazy, do everything with craze. Be realistic, without rules. Be honest. Let it show on your face, in your words, through your actions! I've been happily married for 4 years and know crap compared to you! And with that said, I'm going to go back to drinking my diet coke and eating my Red Hots. Love you girl!"
"I've never met anyone who believes in love as much as you do. Honestly, we all can learn a lesson from you guys! ...to be as willing to sacrifice, endure, fight, be crazy, be realistic, be honest as you! Sacrifice anything and everything and know we're being sacrificed for- to any degree, and accept it. Endure life, time, tears, gossip, family, the past, the future, endure yourself. Fight. Fight. Be crazy, love like crazy, run like crazy, do everything with craze. Be realistic, without rules. Be honest. Let it show on your face, in your words, through your actions! I've been happily married for 4 years and know crap compared to you! And with that said, I'm going to go back to drinking my diet coke and eating my Red Hots. Love you girl!"
Thursday, 11 April 2013
HELP!!! The divas need you.
I am chasing my dreams and opening a dance studio, but such endeavors are not conducive to a 22yo's bank account. Any donation helps. God Bless. (I sound like a homeless person). ;)
http://www.gofundme.com/2kiml4
xoxo miss jer bree
check out the website: DLA13.blogspot.com
http://www.gofundme.com/2kiml4
xoxo miss jer bree
check out the website: DLA13.blogspot.com
Monday, 25 March 2013
Bored randoms. (takes me back)
Were you dating anyone this time of year last year?
yesss :)
Is there a friend you cant stand?
no. if i couldn't stand somebody i suppose they wouldn't be my friend? but there's noone in that category.
Last song you listened to?
Stay by Rihanna
Who was the last person who said they loved you other than family relationship wise and if they said it now would you believe them?
Boyfriend. And yes i believe him.
Does anyone call you babe?
Boyfriend, mom and besties.
If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
Johnson. Jerica Johnson :) :) :)
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?
I've lasted almost 2 years sooo yah.
Let's test your memory, what were you wearing during your last kiss?
the same thing i'm wearing now- his Pepperdine sweatshirt with sweatpants and uggs haha.
Are you happy with the choices you've made?
More or less.
When will you see your ex?
never.
What is the latest you've stayed up in the past week?
ummm prob midnight.
Do you plan on moving in the next year?
I am hopefully moving closer to Orem, but in a few years the hub and I will be moving to Cali
Do you find it hard to trust others?
Depends. I give out my trust freely, but once it has been violated, it is the hardest thing to build back.
Has anyone ever told you they're in love with you?
Yes :)
What are you listening to right now?
Rihanna on spotify
Do you spend time with the same people always?
Definitely. hm friends, dance divas and their awesome parents, boyfriend, bestie and fam.
Could you go a month without talking to your best friend?
i coulddd but it would not be preferable. Unless we are talking about my boyfriend... i can hardly last an hour away from him.
Have you ever started a sentence with "no offense, but"?
haha i used to, but now i'm much more straight up.
Do you know anyone named Matt?
i've run across a few matts in my time
How are you feeling at this exact moment in time?
Content. Very content.
Last time you laughed really hard?
When boyfriend made me laugh at the restaurant on Saturday.
Name the first person you can think of that you know that has a tattoo?
....
Last person you argued with?
boyfriend.
Have you ever walked on the beach at night?
omg yesss with my loverr when we lived in malibu
Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
It makes me furious. I can't stand people that don't have integrity.
What’s the greatest thing that happened today?
I found a matte nail polish that works?
Do you find smoking unattractive?
incredibly
You have to get a tattoo, where and what do you get?
A 'w' on my foot. Then i regret it. no offense, boyfriend. oh look i said no offense haha.
Ever been told "it’s not you, it's me"?
yes. aka 'i need to grow up and pull my head out before i can commit'
Why did you last cry?
Because I got the key to the studio i am opening in June. #blessed
Do you have bangs?
kinda
Is this summer gonna be a good one?
I sure hope so!
Did you have an exciting last weekend?
I don't know if it was exciting per se. Dinner with boyfriend and playing catch phrase...
Has a friend ever stabbed you in the back?
yes. such is life
What was the main subject of your last text message conversation?
Roommate needed to open the door for me. Bishop checking in with me. Boyfriend telling me what time to pick him up. Emmy and i talking about everything under the sun. Mom talking about when she gets home from sg. Deb and i talking about bikes being painful to ride. and dance studio stuff.
Is there something you're looking forward to?
finishing my minor classes, sunshine in summer, easter, moving, opening the studio.
Are you happy with life?
very
Ever called a person useless?
ugh yes. i'm a terrible, dramatic person.
Would you rather go to Canada or Mexico on vacation?
Mexico please
Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
been there, done that. #caliswag
What do you think your number 1 is doing right now?
my boyfriend? he's at worky in the big boy office.
Is love really worth fighting for?
Absolutely
Who is the last person you missed a call from?
Boyfriend. Prob helping me find my phone
Who are your last ten received calls from?
Boyfriend, mom, h&m, pops, grandparents, jeffy, denna, dance mom, emmy, jod
Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
nope
What were you doing at 4 am?
sleeeeping
Are you a jealous person?
i don't really think so. everyone is a little i guess?
If you could travel back in time in your life would you?
only to re-live all the good times :)
yesss :)
Is there a friend you cant stand?
no. if i couldn't stand somebody i suppose they wouldn't be my friend? but there's noone in that category.
Last song you listened to?
Stay by Rihanna
Who was the last person who said they loved you other than family relationship wise and if they said it now would you believe them?
Boyfriend. And yes i believe him.
Does anyone call you babe?
Boyfriend, mom and besties.
If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
Johnson. Jerica Johnson :) :) :)
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?
I've lasted almost 2 years sooo yah.
Let's test your memory, what were you wearing during your last kiss?
the same thing i'm wearing now- his Pepperdine sweatshirt with sweatpants and uggs haha.
Are you happy with the choices you've made?
More or less.
When will you see your ex?
never.
What is the latest you've stayed up in the past week?
ummm prob midnight.
Do you plan on moving in the next year?
I am hopefully moving closer to Orem, but in a few years the hub and I will be moving to Cali
Do you find it hard to trust others?
Depends. I give out my trust freely, but once it has been violated, it is the hardest thing to build back.
Has anyone ever told you they're in love with you?
Yes :)
What are you listening to right now?
Rihanna on spotify
Do you spend time with the same people always?
Definitely. hm friends, dance divas and their awesome parents, boyfriend, bestie and fam.
Could you go a month without talking to your best friend?
i coulddd but it would not be preferable. Unless we are talking about my boyfriend... i can hardly last an hour away from him.
Have you ever started a sentence with "no offense, but"?
haha i used to, but now i'm much more straight up.
Do you know anyone named Matt?
i've run across a few matts in my time
How are you feeling at this exact moment in time?
Content. Very content.
Last time you laughed really hard?
When boyfriend made me laugh at the restaurant on Saturday.
Name the first person you can think of that you know that has a tattoo?
....
Last person you argued with?
boyfriend.
Have you ever walked on the beach at night?
omg yesss with my loverr when we lived in malibu
Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
It makes me furious. I can't stand people that don't have integrity.
What’s the greatest thing that happened today?
I found a matte nail polish that works?
Do you find smoking unattractive?
incredibly
You have to get a tattoo, where and what do you get?
A 'w' on my foot. Then i regret it. no offense, boyfriend. oh look i said no offense haha.
Ever been told "it’s not you, it's me"?
yes. aka 'i need to grow up and pull my head out before i can commit'
Why did you last cry?
Because I got the key to the studio i am opening in June. #blessed
Do you have bangs?
kinda
Is this summer gonna be a good one?
I sure hope so!
Did you have an exciting last weekend?
I don't know if it was exciting per se. Dinner with boyfriend and playing catch phrase...
Has a friend ever stabbed you in the back?
yes. such is life
What was the main subject of your last text message conversation?
Roommate needed to open the door for me. Bishop checking in with me. Boyfriend telling me what time to pick him up. Emmy and i talking about everything under the sun. Mom talking about when she gets home from sg. Deb and i talking about bikes being painful to ride. and dance studio stuff.
Is there something you're looking forward to?
finishing my minor classes, sunshine in summer, easter, moving, opening the studio.
Are you happy with life?
very
Ever called a person useless?
ugh yes. i'm a terrible, dramatic person.
Would you rather go to Canada or Mexico on vacation?
Mexico please
Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
been there, done that. #caliswag
What do you think your number 1 is doing right now?
my boyfriend? he's at worky in the big boy office.
Is love really worth fighting for?
Absolutely
Who is the last person you missed a call from?
Boyfriend. Prob helping me find my phone
Who are your last ten received calls from?
Boyfriend, mom, h&m, pops, grandparents, jeffy, denna, dance mom, emmy, jod
Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
nope
What were you doing at 4 am?
sleeeeping
Are you a jealous person?
i don't really think so. everyone is a little i guess?
If you could travel back in time in your life would you?
only to re-live all the good times :)
Tuesday, 5 February 2013
Sin City Lovers
Hola!
So last weekend I got the chance to spend a few days in Vegas with my stud muffin boyfriend!! We went with the debate team as their designated judges, and basically got a free trip. It was amazing. Vegas was beautiful, bright, and most importantly, snow-free. I loved it. Around this time of year I always start to crave a little travel. Thank goodness for such a wonderful boyfriend to provide.
xoxo miss jer bree
So last weekend I got the chance to spend a few days in Vegas with my stud muffin boyfriend!! We went with the debate team as their designated judges, and basically got a free trip. It was amazing. Vegas was beautiful, bright, and most importantly, snow-free. I loved it. Around this time of year I always start to crave a little travel. Thank goodness for such a wonderful boyfriend to provide.
xoxo miss jer bree
Tuesday, 18 December 2012
It's been a minute...
So this chick posted this thing about 30 things her kids should know about her. I have decided to blog it. :)
1. List 20 random facts about yourself. I have rods in my back, i have two full drawers of socks, my bf calls me chubby bunny cuz of my huge cheeks, i hate doing my own nails, my feet used to be ticklesh but now they're not, i can't ever decide on a hair color, i hate scary movies, i sleep with a nightlight, i hate the smell of metal, i take pics of my gas tank being full cuz it makes me happy and i never know when it will happen again, i don't like oranges because my mom is allergic, i have a really good shot with a gun, i love therapy and yoga and wish i could be a vegan hippie, i also wish i could be a glamour star diva, i have lots and lots of conflicting wishes, my bff is my bff becuase we speak psych, i have no clue what career i want, my fave movie is Like Crazy, i know sign language, i worked in the prison. Is that 20? lol
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears. I fear loneliness because my mom was single most of her life, i fear death because my dad died and it destroyed me, i fear getting fat. Just because.
3. Describe your relationship with your spouse. Um, well my boyfriend actually... is amazing. The greatest blessing I have ever been blessed with. My best friend. We are completely opposite and disagree on most everything. He compliments me perfectly. He babies me. Bad. Reminds me of my dad spoiling me. I love it. Boyfriend is so patient with me. And forgiving. And lets me do my thing. He loves me more than anyone has ever loved me. He makes me laugh more than anyone has ever made me laugh. We have our own little world and we love it. He knows me better than anyone... and still stays with me lol. I love sharing sacred moments with him and being vulnerable with him. It just feels right. He drives me nuts. I love him so much.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could. Haha ummm have a plan for after college, minor in dance even tho you hate their program, don't do independent study classes just finish on campus, you're doing great!, be nicer to everyone, don't get wrapped up in the drama, listen to more Josh Kelley radio on pandora, and don't worry your mom will divorce him soon and find wonderful gordi, when you get the urge to go to DC- maybe have a plan before you buy that one way plane ticket. Don't get your nose pierced. Stop making out with so many boys you lil slut. Don't freak out about the long distance- you'll end up with William anyway.
5. What are the 10 things that make you most happy right now? William. my loft, Emmy, my ward, yoga, Clarence, 7/11 hot choco, teaching dance, H&M fam, sleeping in.
6. If you could have three wishes, what would you wish for? My IS classes and grad school apps to be done, a wedding. tomorrow. ;), a money tree.
7. What is your dream job, and why? Wish i knew. My grandma said "dare to dream and work to realize your dreams"... i am currently doing the latter.
8. What are 5 passions you have? William, dance, God, clothes, family.
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how. Mom taught me every life lesson i ever learned. She's my best friend and the sister i never wanted but always needed lol. Grandma gives me strength everyday. God makes everything possible and gives blessings and comfort along the way. My dad blesses me from above, endlessly. My bishop is keeping hayes and i on the straight and narrow heading to mister temple. My dancers- every last one. I love them so so so much. William.. is my everything. Emmy- oh emmy. saves my butt on a daily basis and endures all my spontaneous bad decisions. I could really list everyone in my life here...
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
Probably when i fell on stage during a middle school dance show.Totes awk.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have. Loud chewing- William. Annoying scream-o music- William. Bad drivers- everyone but me. Dancers that won't press their shoulders down. Not having my toes covered at night, wearing clothes that touch my neck, usage of the wrong form of 'your' (i prob did it in this post lol), arrogant people, insensitive people, etc. etc.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
Wake up, get ready for work at H&M, work for about 7 hours, go snuggle boyfriend, then go either teach at the dance studio or work with janae, then dinner with william, then go home and pinterest and journal and pray and go to bed.
13. What’s the hardest part of growing up? Everything. I never thought I would face this much. Figuring out what you want to do with your life, your career. Love- love is the best and sometimes the hardest thing. There is no handbook on relationships, it is hard to figure out and be vulnerable and at some point, someone gets hurt. Money. Money, unfortunately, rules the world. Finding balance in all things. Fighting weight gain. Going back to school for a masters. Finding money to fund that degree. Trying to plan for the future when you don't even know where you'll be tomorrow. Then adding another person into all that. Deciding what you stand for, what is important to you, what you want, and what you're willing to work for. Then sticking to it. Life is hard. But the greatest gift ever.
14. Describe 5 weaknesses and strengths you have. Strengths: spiritual faith, not being tempted by alcohol or drugs, being optimistic, loving others. Weaknesses: getting my classes done, controlling my hormones haha, time management, patience, focusing.
15. Describe when you knew your spouse was the one or how I fell in love. On our round 2 of dating, when I went out to Malibu. Words can't describe... i just wanted him more than anything or anyone i've ever wanted in my whole life and i knew that i would be his forever.
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments? Practically graduating college, surviving my back surgery, figuring out how to be in a committed relationship, not getting too fat, not giving into anything too bad that would mess up my life aka Surviving! haha. And making great friends.
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at? Relationships. I suck. Or being motivated.
18. What do you think your spouse loves most about you? My booty. jk. My tender heart and sensitivity? but he complains that i cry too much lol. Maybe my care/love for him and belief in his abilities.
19. How did you feel the moment you became a parent? haha. not quite...
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood. Dad dying, Getting my barbie car, Sundays at grandma's.
21. Describe your relationship with your parents. My mom and I are inseparable. The end. She is my angel.
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years? Happy. Married. With kids. Successful. Humble
23. What’s your favorite holiday and why? Christmas! the music! and looove and snuggles.
24. What’s your favorite and least favorite thing about parenthood? .......i really love the show Parenthood. It's my favorite.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat? Michael Jackson. Doesn't matter what we eat. I wouldn't be able to eat anyway.
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong? perception of mormons.
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why? my back and my feet. my surgery, dancing.
28. What’s your favorite quality in your spouse? Everything. I absolutely love everything about him.
But I especially love his ability to stay calm and reasonable. And make me laugh :)
29. What are your hopes and dreams for your prosperity? That they will stay close to their Savior and find happiness.
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for? I want to influence people for the good. I want to give away my love to those that need it.I want to be a good wife and mother and daughter and sister. I want to let my creativity thrive.
1. List 20 random facts about yourself. I have rods in my back, i have two full drawers of socks, my bf calls me chubby bunny cuz of my huge cheeks, i hate doing my own nails, my feet used to be ticklesh but now they're not, i can't ever decide on a hair color, i hate scary movies, i sleep with a nightlight, i hate the smell of metal, i take pics of my gas tank being full cuz it makes me happy and i never know when it will happen again, i don't like oranges because my mom is allergic, i have a really good shot with a gun, i love therapy and yoga and wish i could be a vegan hippie, i also wish i could be a glamour star diva, i have lots and lots of conflicting wishes, my bff is my bff becuase we speak psych, i have no clue what career i want, my fave movie is Like Crazy, i know sign language, i worked in the prison. Is that 20? lol
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears. I fear loneliness because my mom was single most of her life, i fear death because my dad died and it destroyed me, i fear getting fat. Just because.
3. Describe your relationship with your spouse. Um, well my boyfriend actually... is amazing. The greatest blessing I have ever been blessed with. My best friend. We are completely opposite and disagree on most everything. He compliments me perfectly. He babies me. Bad. Reminds me of my dad spoiling me. I love it. Boyfriend is so patient with me. And forgiving. And lets me do my thing. He loves me more than anyone has ever loved me. He makes me laugh more than anyone has ever made me laugh. We have our own little world and we love it. He knows me better than anyone... and still stays with me lol. I love sharing sacred moments with him and being vulnerable with him. It just feels right. He drives me nuts. I love him so much.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could. Haha ummm have a plan for after college, minor in dance even tho you hate their program, don't do independent study classes just finish on campus, you're doing great!, be nicer to everyone, don't get wrapped up in the drama, listen to more Josh Kelley radio on pandora, and don't worry your mom will divorce him soon and find wonderful gordi, when you get the urge to go to DC- maybe have a plan before you buy that one way plane ticket. Don't get your nose pierced. Stop making out with so many boys you lil slut. Don't freak out about the long distance- you'll end up with William anyway.
5. What are the 10 things that make you most happy right now? William. my loft, Emmy, my ward, yoga, Clarence, 7/11 hot choco, teaching dance, H&M fam, sleeping in.
6. If you could have three wishes, what would you wish for? My IS classes and grad school apps to be done, a wedding. tomorrow. ;), a money tree.
7. What is your dream job, and why? Wish i knew. My grandma said "dare to dream and work to realize your dreams"... i am currently doing the latter.
8. What are 5 passions you have? William, dance, God, clothes, family.
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how. Mom taught me every life lesson i ever learned. She's my best friend and the sister i never wanted but always needed lol. Grandma gives me strength everyday. God makes everything possible and gives blessings and comfort along the way. My dad blesses me from above, endlessly. My bishop is keeping hayes and i on the straight and narrow heading to mister temple. My dancers- every last one. I love them so so so much. William.. is my everything. Emmy- oh emmy. saves my butt on a daily basis and endures all my spontaneous bad decisions. I could really list everyone in my life here...
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
Probably when i fell on stage during a middle school dance show.Totes awk.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have. Loud chewing- William. Annoying scream-o music- William. Bad drivers- everyone but me. Dancers that won't press their shoulders down. Not having my toes covered at night, wearing clothes that touch my neck, usage of the wrong form of 'your' (i prob did it in this post lol), arrogant people, insensitive people, etc. etc.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
Wake up, get ready for work at H&M, work for about 7 hours, go snuggle boyfriend, then go either teach at the dance studio or work with janae, then dinner with william, then go home and pinterest and journal and pray and go to bed.
13. What’s the hardest part of growing up? Everything. I never thought I would face this much. Figuring out what you want to do with your life, your career. Love- love is the best and sometimes the hardest thing. There is no handbook on relationships, it is hard to figure out and be vulnerable and at some point, someone gets hurt. Money. Money, unfortunately, rules the world. Finding balance in all things. Fighting weight gain. Going back to school for a masters. Finding money to fund that degree. Trying to plan for the future when you don't even know where you'll be tomorrow. Then adding another person into all that. Deciding what you stand for, what is important to you, what you want, and what you're willing to work for. Then sticking to it. Life is hard. But the greatest gift ever.
14. Describe 5 weaknesses and strengths you have. Strengths: spiritual faith, not being tempted by alcohol or drugs, being optimistic, loving others. Weaknesses: getting my classes done, controlling my hormones haha, time management, patience, focusing.
15. Describe when you knew your spouse was the one or how I fell in love. On our round 2 of dating, when I went out to Malibu. Words can't describe... i just wanted him more than anything or anyone i've ever wanted in my whole life and i knew that i would be his forever.
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments? Practically graduating college, surviving my back surgery, figuring out how to be in a committed relationship, not getting too fat, not giving into anything too bad that would mess up my life aka Surviving! haha. And making great friends.
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at? Relationships. I suck. Or being motivated.
18. What do you think your spouse loves most about you? My booty. jk. My tender heart and sensitivity? but he complains that i cry too much lol. Maybe my care/love for him and belief in his abilities.
19. How did you feel the moment you became a parent? haha. not quite...
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood. Dad dying, Getting my barbie car, Sundays at grandma's.
21. Describe your relationship with your parents. My mom and I are inseparable. The end. She is my angel.
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years? Happy. Married. With kids. Successful. Humble
23. What’s your favorite holiday and why? Christmas! the music! and looove and snuggles.
24. What’s your favorite and least favorite thing about parenthood? .......i really love the show Parenthood. It's my favorite.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat? Michael Jackson. Doesn't matter what we eat. I wouldn't be able to eat anyway.
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong? perception of mormons.
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why? my back and my feet. my surgery, dancing.
28. What’s your favorite quality in your spouse? Everything. I absolutely love everything about him.
But I especially love his ability to stay calm and reasonable. And make me laugh :)
29. What are your hopes and dreams for your prosperity? That they will stay close to their Savior and find happiness.
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for? I want to influence people for the good. I want to give away my love to those that need it.I want to be a good wife and mother and daughter and sister. I want to let my creativity thrive.
Saturday, 27 October 2012
Sick girl status.
10/26
Well i fear my facebook friends are gettin real sick of seeing all my 'sick girl' pics and updates, yet i have plenty more to say. So, here we go.
Okay so it all started on Monday. I was having life anxiety about having a college degree and folding clothes for a living, not knowing where i want to go or who i want to be. So, I took a temp job in an insurance office for a day in hopes of having a follow up interview. Got there, they stuck me in tiny office with no windows or humans, reading tiny numbers and making phone calls to French people. i started making the calls, but after a while, I freaked. i began to panic. my hands started shaking. i ran to the bathroom and puked my guts out and went home thanking goodness that i would have the opportunity to fold clothes in a lively environment with music, interaction and the greatest people in the world the following day. (i don't do well in offices lacking emotional and interpersonal stimulation)
Well i went home to sleep it off, but to my surprise, woke up feeling worse. i slept thru the night, but could hardly breathe the next morning. my stomach pain was intense and i spent almost all of Tuesday in the bathroom. In fact, i've spent everyday since then the exact same way. The body aches are unforgiving and the headache- relentless. The throwing up has stayed down to once or twice a day, mainly in my throat, but i haven't been so fortunate on the other end (ew gross). I can't eat. The mere thought makes me sick. I am down to about 200 calories a day. The weird thing- i haven't had a fever, nobody around me has gotten sick (aka boyfriend), i haven't traveled out of the country or gone camping, and no... I'M NOT PREGNANT. haha if i had a dime for every time someone asked me that in the past week. i really just thought it was the stomach flu... but i can hardly move now. I went to instacare yesterday but they couldn't diagnose me so they sent me home with nausea medicine and some pedialite (sp?). I woke up worse and went to the U where they gave me Another pregnancy test (which was negative as i insisted) and hooked me up to an IV (ThrEe pokes later) to give me some fluids since i was so dehydrated. They ran some urine and blood tests that i will find out about on Monday. Doc thinks it may be a bladder or kidney infection. He put me on some meds and sent me home. Am i feeling better? more or less.
But i think this battle has been as much mental as it has been physical. First off, let's talk about everything i've missed... aka work! okay i'm not exactly financially fit these days. missing a week of work... Ouch! really not ideal. at all. Not to mention it's been an uphill battle to get my shifts covered, but i've had a lot of help at the dance studio so that is nice. Additionally, i have missed basically everything that requires leaving my bed. i lay here all day and watch tv. everytime i think i'm well enough to leave the house... i soon regret it. it's weird... when you're sick it feels like you'll Never get better. or is that just me? it feels like this is my life now- no wonder i'm depressed. i've never been sick for longer than a day or two, so this is just cramping my style.
But i have had some serious support... William has been a Saint! I don't even know where to begin. He has literally waited on me hand and foot. And since i ended up going cold turkey on my normal daily meds... i haven't exactly been the most pleasant to be around. But boy he has had more patience and love and forgiveness than anyone i know. Talk about Charity and Christ-like attitude. This man exemplifies the Savior. I have cried multiple times each day, but he has been there for every tear. He has rubbed my back and gotten my meds each time i've needed. He goes straight from the house to class, and then runs back home to check on me in between classes even tho he's still trying to cram in his work and school load at the same time. I feel bad, but this experience has really made him grow up quick and he's done it with flying colors. I can't say enough good things about my man, he has really pulled thru for me.
And he's not the only one... my mom has been a Huge help and support, in more than one way. She met me at the doctor today and got me the help i may have otherwise missed out on.
And from everyone else! i am really just so grateful for the concerned texts and comments and prayers... they mean a lot to mean. When you're cooped up in a bed all day it's nice to see how much people care.
So here's to hoping I get better. prayers welcomed. I guess this illness will just run its course, which hopefully won't be too much longer. Choking down crackers and water will only last so long.
all in all this experience has helped me be So grateful for my health- please protect yours. And it has made me truly admire and look up to those individuals that have to endure longer illnesses. It makes me sick (lol) to think of someone having to live this way for longer a week. What strong spirits are among us!
xoxo miss jer bree
10/27
Wow. Words cannot express my joy and gratitude today. "my cup runneth over". I feel so.much.better. So apparently it was a kidney infection, and those meds and prayers really worked!! Wow i am beyond grateful i can have my life back and wash my hair again lol. My heart truly goes out to those enduring or that have endured longer illnesses- i applaud you.
Embrace and nourish your body! you only get one!
xoxo miss jer bree
Well i fear my facebook friends are gettin real sick of seeing all my 'sick girl' pics and updates, yet i have plenty more to say. So, here we go.
Okay so it all started on Monday. I was having life anxiety about having a college degree and folding clothes for a living, not knowing where i want to go or who i want to be. So, I took a temp job in an insurance office for a day in hopes of having a follow up interview. Got there, they stuck me in tiny office with no windows or humans, reading tiny numbers and making phone calls to French people. i started making the calls, but after a while, I freaked. i began to panic. my hands started shaking. i ran to the bathroom and puked my guts out and went home thanking goodness that i would have the opportunity to fold clothes in a lively environment with music, interaction and the greatest people in the world the following day. (i don't do well in offices lacking emotional and interpersonal stimulation)
Well i went home to sleep it off, but to my surprise, woke up feeling worse. i slept thru the night, but could hardly breathe the next morning. my stomach pain was intense and i spent almost all of Tuesday in the bathroom. In fact, i've spent everyday since then the exact same way. The body aches are unforgiving and the headache- relentless. The throwing up has stayed down to once or twice a day, mainly in my throat, but i haven't been so fortunate on the other end (ew gross). I can't eat. The mere thought makes me sick. I am down to about 200 calories a day. The weird thing- i haven't had a fever, nobody around me has gotten sick (aka boyfriend), i haven't traveled out of the country or gone camping, and no... I'M NOT PREGNANT. haha if i had a dime for every time someone asked me that in the past week. i really just thought it was the stomach flu... but i can hardly move now. I went to instacare yesterday but they couldn't diagnose me so they sent me home with nausea medicine and some pedialite (sp?). I woke up worse and went to the U where they gave me Another pregnancy test (which was negative as i insisted) and hooked me up to an IV (ThrEe pokes later) to give me some fluids since i was so dehydrated. They ran some urine and blood tests that i will find out about on Monday. Doc thinks it may be a bladder or kidney infection. He put me on some meds and sent me home. Am i feeling better? more or less.
But i think this battle has been as much mental as it has been physical. First off, let's talk about everything i've missed... aka work! okay i'm not exactly financially fit these days. missing a week of work... Ouch! really not ideal. at all. Not to mention it's been an uphill battle to get my shifts covered, but i've had a lot of help at the dance studio so that is nice. Additionally, i have missed basically everything that requires leaving my bed. i lay here all day and watch tv. everytime i think i'm well enough to leave the house... i soon regret it. it's weird... when you're sick it feels like you'll Never get better. or is that just me? it feels like this is my life now- no wonder i'm depressed. i've never been sick for longer than a day or two, so this is just cramping my style.
But i have had some serious support... William has been a Saint! I don't even know where to begin. He has literally waited on me hand and foot. And since i ended up going cold turkey on my normal daily meds... i haven't exactly been the most pleasant to be around. But boy he has had more patience and love and forgiveness than anyone i know. Talk about Charity and Christ-like attitude. This man exemplifies the Savior. I have cried multiple times each day, but he has been there for every tear. He has rubbed my back and gotten my meds each time i've needed. He goes straight from the house to class, and then runs back home to check on me in between classes even tho he's still trying to cram in his work and school load at the same time. I feel bad, but this experience has really made him grow up quick and he's done it with flying colors. I can't say enough good things about my man, he has really pulled thru for me.
And he's not the only one... my mom has been a Huge help and support, in more than one way. She met me at the doctor today and got me the help i may have otherwise missed out on.
And from everyone else! i am really just so grateful for the concerned texts and comments and prayers... they mean a lot to mean. When you're cooped up in a bed all day it's nice to see how much people care.
So here's to hoping I get better. prayers welcomed. I guess this illness will just run its course, which hopefully won't be too much longer. Choking down crackers and water will only last so long.
all in all this experience has helped me be So grateful for my health- please protect yours. And it has made me truly admire and look up to those individuals that have to endure longer illnesses. It makes me sick (lol) to think of someone having to live this way for longer a week. What strong spirits are among us!
xoxo miss jer bree
10/27
Wow. Words cannot express my joy and gratitude today. "my cup runneth over". I feel so.much.better. So apparently it was a kidney infection, and those meds and prayers really worked!! Wow i am beyond grateful i can have my life back and wash my hair again lol. My heart truly goes out to those enduring or that have endured longer illnesses- i applaud you.
Embrace and nourish your body! you only get one!
xoxo miss jer bree
Monday, 17 September 2012
Picture perfect #notsomuch
...and here is what I got.
xoxo miss jer bree
Wednesday, 5 September 2012
shattered.
I have no words. To say nor to write. Thank you for all your love and support, I'm sorry for the silence. Each of these tell a part of my story, you'll get the idea...
Monday, 27 August 2012
boyfriend brag
Can i just talk about how in love i am?? of course. this is my blog lol.
I am so crazy about my William... I am SO in love with him. It is amazing how I went all my life dating a bunch of different guys and trying to decipher if one was more suitable for me than the others, then all of a sudden I meet William and BAM! game over. That was that.
I knew he was the one. No questions, no doubts... although i did manage to come up with some, I always knew he would be the one I'd spend the rest of my life with. He wasn't the richest or the tallest or the most religious or the furthest in his career... but i knew he was the one i wanted to spend eternity with.
And although I may not do it a ton here... I whine a lot about my relationship. Sad, huh? I have fits about the smallest things, and nag him endlessly. I complain and talk about how sometimes I wish I were still single... well I lie. Because that is the biggest lie I have ever told. There is not a bone in my body that honesty, truly still wishes I were single.
Being in a serious relationship is the most fulfilling, sacred, humbling, enlightening, joyful thing I have ever experienced. Waking up every morning, knowing that you are somebody's world. His everything. His top priority, go-to gal, and bff. Undeniably the best feeling in the world.
Now this may seem all in line to you... but a lot of people that talk to me in person just get the drama side and the arguments and the whining about having to share music stations and give up clubbing. A lot of my single friends will look at me and think "man i'm grateful i am single". Which makes me sad and helps me realize that I am giving off the wrong impression...
I forget that they aren't there to see the way I smile at him when he holds my hand, or the way he makes me laugh. They aren't there during those intimate moments when he holds my face in his hands and tells me i'm the only one for him, or when he grabs me and pulls me in close for a kiss mid-argument. They don't know about our funny inside jokes or silly rock paper scissors kissing game. They have no clue what 'face wrestling' means to us and certainly don't know that when i tell him i hate that he grabs my booty in public... i secretly love knowing that he's proud to call me, his own.
He may not be perfect (none of us are), but he's perfect for me. Even our worst fights... our lowest lows... our darkest days have always ended in "snuggles and tisses". I hate fighting and disagreeing and trying to make relationships work and pushing thru tough times in general, but he makes it worth every effort and tear and struggle i have. I would do anything to keep him.
It's funny because I like to feel like i'm in control. Worst trait for a relationship, right? lol. Well he knows this (because he takes the time to get to know and understand me). And so lots of times we will disagree about something, like where we want to live when we're older. And of course, me feeling vulnerable and like i'm losing power, I tell him that we will just be apart because I am stubborn and I want to live where I want to live. Or sometimes he mentions wanting to do study abroad- and i'm def not havin that. We did the long distance thing- it was death. I despised every second I was apart from him. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. It damaged me on so many different levels. So i tell him I would never do that again. We would just have to go our separate ways...
But truth is... I would do it. I would hate it, I would kick and scream, but we would make it work. We've gone thru so much and whether it's been couples therapy, the grace of God, or a committed friend that pulled us through... we made it. So I honestly don't care what comes our way- I refuse to lose him. And I am more stubborn on that statement than anything else. I am just grateful that he feels the same way- he worked so hard to get me, and will do anything to keep me. Because honestly, a relationship takes, more than anything, 2 determined people that are willing... willing to struggle and endure and forgive each other every second of every day, because those intimate moments when he kisses my forehead and thanks God that I came into his life... make it all worth it.
Another example is marriage. I want to marry him. Now. Today. This very second. I'm ready. I know he is the one. The tax break would be nice. The wedding- phenomenal. Let's go! hahaha but he isn't so sold on the timing. So when we talk about it- i like to say "If you don't marry me in the next year, then I am going to go find someone else". (trying to feel all hard core and in control). But then he asks me if I want him... or if i just want a wedding... and mentions that it may be 2 or 3 years before he feels it is suitable timing for a marriage. I get so mad, and throw my threats at him again.
But truth is... I would stay with him unmarried for 50 years if it meant i could just stay.with.him. (shh don't tell him that) I would kick and scream... but I would make it work. Because my love for him knows no temporal, materialistic, conditional, or tangible end. It just doesn't. (But thank goodness he doesn't want to wait that long). haha.
So lately I have a lot of people asking me why we are not taking the marriage plunge. And although I claim to be ready for marriage right now... we both agree that waiting a little while can only make us more ready and more in love. So here is why we choose to wait...
*We are young, so young. He just turned 21, and i'm only 22. (which is like 34 in mormon years... but so what). We are still changing and figuring out who we want to be and what we want to do with our lives. Right now, we are able to do that together, but still have wiggle room on our own. It is easier to figure how to change together when you're not being shoved under the same roof, down each others throats 24/7. No pressure, just exploration- hand in hand. Also- he wants to be done with his undergrad degree when we get married. I'm less sold on this idea, but if it makes him feel more ready and capable of nurturing his marriage, then by all means- i will foster that inner, patient-jerica that doesn't exist, and I will wait. haha.
*My family history... not the best record when it comes to marriages lol. I've experienced a few divorces first-hand, which makes me susceptible to falling into one myself. Research says that the longer I date before marriage, the lower my chances of divorce are. (within reason, of course) Longer courtship improves marriage success rates in general. Again, within reason.
*We love dating. We've lived together before- when I would go stay out in Malibu. Loved it. It was great. But what we love even more is being able to have a good time, and not have to go home and talk/argue about dishes or bills or who will make the bed. Those will all come in due time, but not now. We love that we can fight, go home to our separate houses, take some time to think about things, then call each other up and apologize and say how much we already miss the other person. This, we feel, is a much more efficient way to learn relationships (having experienced both ways), and we have much to learn.
I compare 'learning to be in a relationship' to 'learning how to swim'... Right now, we are in the kiddie pool learning how to swim. It is good and still a challenge, but we are learning. Getting married right now would be like throwing us into the rapids- where it is much harder to learn because you are merely trying to survive, not strive.
Skiing too- the longer you spend on the bunny slope and slowly progress up, the better end result you will have. But, if like me, you went on the big slopes for your first day of learning, you will simply crash and end up with a lot of blood and very little learning... like I did. So, no rush haha. We will know when we are ready and want to take that plunge, but right now- we Love dating each other!!
And don't get me wrong- I know that marriage is dating... times a bajillion. I have been told and have seen how incredible it can be when done right. So that is what we are trying to strive for... but let's be honest. Some days I just want a big huge wedding and a cute lil' blog that says "The Johnson's" hahahaha.
xoxo miss jer bree
I am so crazy about my William... I am SO in love with him. It is amazing how I went all my life dating a bunch of different guys and trying to decipher if one was more suitable for me than the others, then all of a sudden I meet William and BAM! game over. That was that.
I knew he was the one. No questions, no doubts... although i did manage to come up with some, I always knew he would be the one I'd spend the rest of my life with. He wasn't the richest or the tallest or the most religious or the furthest in his career... but i knew he was the one i wanted to spend eternity with.
And although I may not do it a ton here... I whine a lot about my relationship. Sad, huh? I have fits about the smallest things, and nag him endlessly. I complain and talk about how sometimes I wish I were still single... well I lie. Because that is the biggest lie I have ever told. There is not a bone in my body that honesty, truly still wishes I were single.
Being in a serious relationship is the most fulfilling, sacred, humbling, enlightening, joyful thing I have ever experienced. Waking up every morning, knowing that you are somebody's world. His everything. His top priority, go-to gal, and bff. Undeniably the best feeling in the world.
Now this may seem all in line to you... but a lot of people that talk to me in person just get the drama side and the arguments and the whining about having to share music stations and give up clubbing. A lot of my single friends will look at me and think "man i'm grateful i am single". Which makes me sad and helps me realize that I am giving off the wrong impression...
I forget that they aren't there to see the way I smile at him when he holds my hand, or the way he makes me laugh. They aren't there during those intimate moments when he holds my face in his hands and tells me i'm the only one for him, or when he grabs me and pulls me in close for a kiss mid-argument. They don't know about our funny inside jokes or silly rock paper scissors kissing game. They have no clue what 'face wrestling' means to us and certainly don't know that when i tell him i hate that he grabs my booty in public... i secretly love knowing that he's proud to call me, his own.
He may not be perfect (none of us are), but he's perfect for me. Even our worst fights... our lowest lows... our darkest days have always ended in "snuggles and tisses". I hate fighting and disagreeing and trying to make relationships work and pushing thru tough times in general, but he makes it worth every effort and tear and struggle i have. I would do anything to keep him.
It's funny because I like to feel like i'm in control. Worst trait for a relationship, right? lol. Well he knows this (because he takes the time to get to know and understand me). And so lots of times we will disagree about something, like where we want to live when we're older. And of course, me feeling vulnerable and like i'm losing power, I tell him that we will just be apart because I am stubborn and I want to live where I want to live. Or sometimes he mentions wanting to do study abroad- and i'm def not havin that. We did the long distance thing- it was death. I despised every second I was apart from him. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. It damaged me on so many different levels. So i tell him I would never do that again. We would just have to go our separate ways...
But truth is... I would do it. I would hate it, I would kick and scream, but we would make it work. We've gone thru so much and whether it's been couples therapy, the grace of God, or a committed friend that pulled us through... we made it. So I honestly don't care what comes our way- I refuse to lose him. And I am more stubborn on that statement than anything else. I am just grateful that he feels the same way- he worked so hard to get me, and will do anything to keep me. Because honestly, a relationship takes, more than anything, 2 determined people that are willing... willing to struggle and endure and forgive each other every second of every day, because those intimate moments when he kisses my forehead and thanks God that I came into his life... make it all worth it.
Another example is marriage. I want to marry him. Now. Today. This very second. I'm ready. I know he is the one. The tax break would be nice. The wedding- phenomenal. Let's go! hahaha but he isn't so sold on the timing. So when we talk about it- i like to say "If you don't marry me in the next year, then I am going to go find someone else". (trying to feel all hard core and in control). But then he asks me if I want him... or if i just want a wedding... and mentions that it may be 2 or 3 years before he feels it is suitable timing for a marriage. I get so mad, and throw my threats at him again.
But truth is... I would stay with him unmarried for 50 years if it meant i could just stay.with.him. (shh don't tell him that) I would kick and scream... but I would make it work. Because my love for him knows no temporal, materialistic, conditional, or tangible end. It just doesn't. (But thank goodness he doesn't want to wait that long). haha.
So lately I have a lot of people asking me why we are not taking the marriage plunge. And although I claim to be ready for marriage right now... we both agree that waiting a little while can only make us more ready and more in love. So here is why we choose to wait...
*We are young, so young. He just turned 21, and i'm only 22. (which is like 34 in mormon years... but so what). We are still changing and figuring out who we want to be and what we want to do with our lives. Right now, we are able to do that together, but still have wiggle room on our own. It is easier to figure how to change together when you're not being shoved under the same roof, down each others throats 24/7. No pressure, just exploration- hand in hand. Also- he wants to be done with his undergrad degree when we get married. I'm less sold on this idea, but if it makes him feel more ready and capable of nurturing his marriage, then by all means- i will foster that inner, patient-jerica that doesn't exist, and I will wait. haha.
*My family history... not the best record when it comes to marriages lol. I've experienced a few divorces first-hand, which makes me susceptible to falling into one myself. Research says that the longer I date before marriage, the lower my chances of divorce are. (within reason, of course) Longer courtship improves marriage success rates in general. Again, within reason.
*We love dating. We've lived together before- when I would go stay out in Malibu. Loved it. It was great. But what we love even more is being able to have a good time, and not have to go home and talk/argue about dishes or bills or who will make the bed. Those will all come in due time, but not now. We love that we can fight, go home to our separate houses, take some time to think about things, then call each other up and apologize and say how much we already miss the other person. This, we feel, is a much more efficient way to learn relationships (having experienced both ways), and we have much to learn.
I compare 'learning to be in a relationship' to 'learning how to swim'... Right now, we are in the kiddie pool learning how to swim. It is good and still a challenge, but we are learning. Getting married right now would be like throwing us into the rapids- where it is much harder to learn because you are merely trying to survive, not strive.
Skiing too- the longer you spend on the bunny slope and slowly progress up, the better end result you will have. But, if like me, you went on the big slopes for your first day of learning, you will simply crash and end up with a lot of blood and very little learning... like I did. So, no rush haha. We will know when we are ready and want to take that plunge, but right now- we Love dating each other!!
And don't get me wrong- I know that marriage is dating... times a bajillion. I have been told and have seen how incredible it can be when done right. So that is what we are trying to strive for... but let's be honest. Some days I just want a big huge wedding and a cute lil' blog that says "The Johnson's" hahahaha.
xoxo miss jer bree
Monday, 20 August 2012
Bye Summer... Hope ya find your dad.
Well apparently Summer is over, but it never really came for me. I
guess such is life when you're an adult. Don't get me wrong, there were
moments when it totally felt like Summer, but these were few and far
between. Here are a few of them: late night star gazing, twilight
concert series, arts festival, evening walks, and a few trips to the
pool. But, the bulk of my Summer has been spent... figuring out how to
have a relationship (which is more of a journey than a destination),
finding a job and working lots, lamenting the move from Malibu,
attempting to rediscover my passion in life and set worthy goals to give
me a sense of direction, trying to figure out how the heck Independent
Study classes work so I can actually get my degree, and moving
everything I own out of my parents house. Fun, right? haha I mean i
can't really complain- having Hayes here is such a huge blessing. But, I
will always say that every blessing comes with its set of curses.
Allow me to elaborate.
I've never had a "real" relationship. Allow me to elaborate and avoid any offense I may have just caused- I have never had a relationship that has had an actual, proximal chance of ending in... ya know... the "M" word. I mean anything before college was... before college. And everything in college was... in college lol. But now shiz got real. And i'm as unprepared as ever. Let's look at some factors that i believe contribute to this unpreparedness...
First, I was raised by a single mom. She had her house the way she wanted it and we ate what she wanted when she wanted to make it listening to her music having everything look the way she preferred.
Second, I was an only child. I didn't share a crumb. I had my own room, my own mom, my own toys and tapes and everything else I owned- all mine.
Third, as previously mentioned, I've never had a "real" relationship (by my definition of it having actual/proximal chance for "M"). If things went wrong in my old relationships, it wasn't too big of a deal. Either because I was young and self-consumed anyway, or I was old and still, self-consumed. Not in a selfish way, but in a- 'You may be gone tomorrow, i'm too young for the 'm' word, and my school matters most' way. Well then I graduated.... #gamechanger.
And, against my initial will, I am in a relationship. Oh, you didn't know that? Yeah... I wasn't the biggest fan of commitment. At all. Ever. I mean maybe to a certain degree... but once you commit to someone you're in it, and if you screw something up, it no longer just effects you. Not to mention- you are paying the price for all their bad decisions as well (this ends happy, i promise). So anyway, I didn't want to deal with that my senior year of college. I was young and wild and free, and didn't want the pressure of a real relationship. But, a certain young man just thought I might be worth it... and he challenged me to take the plunge into commitment (after I had already severed it between us once before). Wow- what a crazy dude! I had showed my inability to be in a real relationship once by destroying his heart and contributing to one of his biggest life trials, but yet he wanted to give it another try. Initially, I said no. (why am i telling you this story? ...oh well). But after I hung up the phone and talked to Britt roommie who asked me to wake up and smell the roses... I realized that this was my big chance to change my ways and start going down the path that I saw myself on in 10 years. And, although it scared my damaged heart to death, i took the leap and let myself be truly vulnerable for the first time.
It was scary, but we made it work. It was hard, and the distance didn't help. Or did it? God only knows. He's running this show anyway. But we pushed through and Hayes finally moved here. And boy was that a challenge and a half. I've never had so many emotions surge thru my body in such little time. I loved him one day then hated him the next- and I'm not exactly one to hide how i'm feeling (unfortunately or fortunately). There were a few other stress factors playing a part at this time, but all around it was just a wreck. Me trying to harmonize my independent, crazy free soul with my love and dedication to him- yikes. I ended up falling to one extreme or the other, but thankfully after about a month or so, reconciliation began (which again, is a journey- not a destination). And so things got better and now we are just crazy in love and never argue a single breath. jk. I would hate that. Because either we'd both given up or the passion is dead- either of which lead to a bummer relationship.
Anyway... back to my numbered list of reasons I am no good in relationships (single mom, only child). As silly as it sounds, it is so hard for me to learn how to share. How to share time, attention, interests, families, friends, food, tv channels, radio stations... oh radio stations. That has honestly been the root of more fights than anything else I know (although I am convinced it is solely because of the type and shadow it represents).
I don't like listening to his music. I just don't like it. So why would I? I don't like hanging out with His friends, so why would I? I don't like eating his type of food, so why would I?
I'll tell you why... because life is so much more enjoyable when I have him by my side. And I will do anything to keep him there. So I guess I'll set my last preset to 80's rock, and i actually really like his friends, mexican food isn't so bad, and another episode of Pawn Stars couldn't hurt.
And here is the ironic thing... ask me why i love him? Okay, i'll tell you. Because he's everything i'm Not. He is the exact opposite of me... in personality, style, interests, preferences, perspectives etc. Yet I get mad when we do too much of 'his' stuff. The stuff that makes him who he is... the man i love so much. So... i have tried to embrace the differences and appreciate the opposite-ness (God bless our children).
Well... now that that's been said lol. I really don't have any other updates.
Dance started back up! Oh what a blessing that has been in my life throughout the years. That is my safe haven... my happy place. I don't know what I would do without my dancers- they mean the world to me. I can't wait for this year- it is going to be amazing.
I am also applying to grad school. So yeah there ya have it.
xoxo miss jer bree
I've never had a "real" relationship. Allow me to elaborate and avoid any offense I may have just caused- I have never had a relationship that has had an actual, proximal chance of ending in... ya know... the "M" word. I mean anything before college was... before college. And everything in college was... in college lol. But now shiz got real. And i'm as unprepared as ever. Let's look at some factors that i believe contribute to this unpreparedness...
First, I was raised by a single mom. She had her house the way she wanted it and we ate what she wanted when she wanted to make it listening to her music having everything look the way she preferred.
Second, I was an only child. I didn't share a crumb. I had my own room, my own mom, my own toys and tapes and everything else I owned- all mine.
Third, as previously mentioned, I've never had a "real" relationship (by my definition of it having actual/proximal chance for "M"). If things went wrong in my old relationships, it wasn't too big of a deal. Either because I was young and self-consumed anyway, or I was old and still, self-consumed. Not in a selfish way, but in a- 'You may be gone tomorrow, i'm too young for the 'm' word, and my school matters most' way. Well then I graduated.... #gamechanger.
And, against my initial will, I am in a relationship. Oh, you didn't know that? Yeah... I wasn't the biggest fan of commitment. At all. Ever. I mean maybe to a certain degree... but once you commit to someone you're in it, and if you screw something up, it no longer just effects you. Not to mention- you are paying the price for all their bad decisions as well (this ends happy, i promise). So anyway, I didn't want to deal with that my senior year of college. I was young and wild and free, and didn't want the pressure of a real relationship. But, a certain young man just thought I might be worth it... and he challenged me to take the plunge into commitment (after I had already severed it between us once before). Wow- what a crazy dude! I had showed my inability to be in a real relationship once by destroying his heart and contributing to one of his biggest life trials, but yet he wanted to give it another try. Initially, I said no. (why am i telling you this story? ...oh well). But after I hung up the phone and talked to Britt roommie who asked me to wake up and smell the roses... I realized that this was my big chance to change my ways and start going down the path that I saw myself on in 10 years. And, although it scared my damaged heart to death, i took the leap and let myself be truly vulnerable for the first time.
It was scary, but we made it work. It was hard, and the distance didn't help. Or did it? God only knows. He's running this show anyway. But we pushed through and Hayes finally moved here. And boy was that a challenge and a half. I've never had so many emotions surge thru my body in such little time. I loved him one day then hated him the next- and I'm not exactly one to hide how i'm feeling (unfortunately or fortunately). There were a few other stress factors playing a part at this time, but all around it was just a wreck. Me trying to harmonize my independent, crazy free soul with my love and dedication to him- yikes. I ended up falling to one extreme or the other, but thankfully after about a month or so, reconciliation began (which again, is a journey- not a destination). And so things got better and now we are just crazy in love and never argue a single breath. jk. I would hate that. Because either we'd both given up or the passion is dead- either of which lead to a bummer relationship.
Anyway... back to my numbered list of reasons I am no good in relationships (single mom, only child). As silly as it sounds, it is so hard for me to learn how to share. How to share time, attention, interests, families, friends, food, tv channels, radio stations... oh radio stations. That has honestly been the root of more fights than anything else I know (although I am convinced it is solely because of the type and shadow it represents).
I don't like listening to his music. I just don't like it. So why would I? I don't like hanging out with His friends, so why would I? I don't like eating his type of food, so why would I?
I'll tell you why... because life is so much more enjoyable when I have him by my side. And I will do anything to keep him there. So I guess I'll set my last preset to 80's rock, and i actually really like his friends, mexican food isn't so bad, and another episode of Pawn Stars couldn't hurt.
And here is the ironic thing... ask me why i love him? Okay, i'll tell you. Because he's everything i'm Not. He is the exact opposite of me... in personality, style, interests, preferences, perspectives etc. Yet I get mad when we do too much of 'his' stuff. The stuff that makes him who he is... the man i love so much. So... i have tried to embrace the differences and appreciate the opposite-ness (God bless our children).
Well... now that that's been said lol. I really don't have any other updates.
Dance started back up! Oh what a blessing that has been in my life throughout the years. That is my safe haven... my happy place. I don't know what I would do without my dancers- they mean the world to me. I can't wait for this year- it is going to be amazing.
I am also applying to grad school. So yeah there ya have it.
xoxo miss jer bree
What he Doesn't do.
A lot of girls love their men because of all the great things they do... but i love mine for the many things he Doesn't do...
*He doesn't yell at me. He doesn't lose his patience or temper with me. Ever.
*He doesn't give up on me, no matter how many times i push him to, because times get tough. He refuses.
*He doesn't become complacent. I hear about relationships growing dull and monotonous, but not so with him. He still acts like it's our first day together and gives me just as many kisses and compliments.
*He doesn't need to be told more than once. If i ever express a need, it is fulfilled.
*He doesn't change who he is. He stays true to his personality despite what the world and others pressure him to do.
*He doesn't get sick of me.
*He doesn't let me get away with everything.
*He doesn't sweat the small things.
*He doesn't have to get his way to be happy.
*He doesn't let me go un-held.
*He doesn't stay mad or hold grudges.
*He doesn't just watch me cry, he embraces me and wipes the tears even if it's mid- fight, or worse, mid-movie lol.
*He doesn't judge me. Ever. For anything. (and trust me- there is plenty to judge)
*He doesn't have double standards.
*He doesn't look at other girls.
*He doesn't disrespect his family.
*He doesn't dwell on the negative.
*He doesn't care what other people think.
*He doesn't mind losing a night (or fifty) of sleep for me...
*He doesn't try to change me.
*He doesn't act impulsively or get irrational.
*He doesn't spend his money frivolously.
*He doesn't do the gossip thing. Or the drama.
*He doesn't mind working hard.
*He doesn't get to obsessed or consumed with things.
*He doesn't leave service unserved.
*He doesn't use guilt on people.
*He doesn't let others dictate his life.
*He doesn't ever stop loving me.
xoxo miss jer bree
*He doesn't yell at me. He doesn't lose his patience or temper with me. Ever.
*He doesn't give up on me, no matter how many times i push him to, because times get tough. He refuses.
*He doesn't become complacent. I hear about relationships growing dull and monotonous, but not so with him. He still acts like it's our first day together and gives me just as many kisses and compliments.
*He doesn't need to be told more than once. If i ever express a need, it is fulfilled.
*He doesn't change who he is. He stays true to his personality despite what the world and others pressure him to do.
*He doesn't get sick of me.
*He doesn't let me get away with everything.
*He doesn't sweat the small things.
*He doesn't have to get his way to be happy.
*He doesn't let me go un-held.
*He doesn't stay mad or hold grudges.
*He doesn't just watch me cry, he embraces me and wipes the tears even if it's mid- fight, or worse, mid-movie lol.
*He doesn't judge me. Ever. For anything. (and trust me- there is plenty to judge)
*He doesn't have double standards.
*He doesn't look at other girls.
*He doesn't disrespect his family.
*He doesn't dwell on the negative.
*He doesn't care what other people think.
*He doesn't mind losing a night (or fifty) of sleep for me...
*He doesn't try to change me.
*He doesn't act impulsively or get irrational.
*He doesn't spend his money frivolously.
*He doesn't do the gossip thing. Or the drama.
*He doesn't mind working hard.
*He doesn't get to obsessed or consumed with things.
*He doesn't leave service unserved.
*He doesn't use guilt on people.
*He doesn't let others dictate his life.
*He doesn't ever stop loving me.
xoxo miss jer bree
Monday, 18 June 2012
Post grad life- is there one??
I have an interview tomorrow morning and i've already taken my sleep pills... so it seems like pretty appropriate timing to blog haha.
So hey. I graduated. Well kinda. I walked in graduation ceremonies, but I haven't actually received the degree. I have a few small independent study classes to brush out of the way, and then they will give me that gosh forsaken piece of paper.
I moved home. That has been a joke and a half. Just kidding. Kinda. My mom is fantastic, and so is the stepdad, but parents are still parents and if you live at home... well. You live at home.
Can someone just please tell me where this yellow brick road is? I've been looking for it and asking all the tin-lookin men, but can't seem to find it. I thought that after graduation, I would be carried away by a sparkling blurb, strong enough to hold my weight and whisk me away into pretty-looking nothingness as i gently wave my glittering wand at the lovely looking midgets below me, squeaking my beautiful name in highest admiration. ummm what? didn't happen. not even close. (i'm sick of pushing shift, so let us just cope with the lower case for now).
My life up to this point has been a marathon. I've passed people, and people have passed me. I've helped others, and others have lifted me. I've learned and grown and struggled along the way, but I just kept pushing. And finally, in April, I reached the finish line. But then what? I collapsed and drank some water and looked around to see people expecting me to stand back up, and walk away. But toward what? Nobody told me that there was life after the finish line. I never even thought about it, as silly as it sounds. I just assumed i would be married (the boyfriend and i are not rushing into that anytime soon) or have a job lined up (and magically appear off the magnificent job tree that everyone Doesn't talk about). But instead- i entered a great state of what we will call 'lost'- for lack of a deeper term.
I couldn't find a job. Anywhere. I was out of school. Living with my parents. And that wasn't going so hott. My mom and i love like sisters, and fight like them as well. One day i was being a total beezy and i overheard her tell my stepdad that 'if she is so unhappy here then maybe she should just move out to Malibu and be with her boyfriend'...
Jumped on a plane the next day.
Malibu was good. But it didn't deem me any less 'lost'. It was nice to run away for a month or so, but I knew about the nothingness that awaited me at home, and nothing stressed me out more! Nonetheless, it waited for me. Oh so patiently. And I came home to it...
Hayes (boyfriend) moved here a week ago. Yeah- let's change the subject and talk about that. It was an interesting change. We talked about it with our therapist before we left Cali, but it still proved rocky at first. You have to understand that the only thing i knew in our relationship was the long distance dynamic. When we were together, we were inseparable. And when we were apart, we were untouchable (like i literally could not touch him. 2 states away). That's all I had known. So now you try and guess what happened when he moved here. I had a few theories, one of which played out.
I clung. I clung to him for dear life since the second he stepped foot in the state. I spent every waking second with him. For days. He tried to get me to go home (for the mere reason of my mother threatening me with my life and me not having changed clothes or showered for days), but i freaked. I panicked, and he held me for yet another night. It was so unhealthy. And all this together time, discombobulated, high stress situation provided for many angry words. My emotions were on crack- holy hot mess. So finally, I found the courage to choose to leave him, and trust that he would be there in the morning. It was one of the hardest things i've done. don't judge me. I was convinced he'd be gone come sunrise. I cried and cried and cried and couldn't sleep. Attachment issues, much? I don't know if its from my dad, or just the nature of Hayes' and I relationship, but it was bad.
But guess what... after that one rough night, it was fine. I was fine, he was fine. We were fine. And we've been in pure bliss ever since. It is just the coolest thing to have a boyfriend. Here. In the flesh. If i need a hug its like "ring ring oh hey boyfriend i'm at your house so can you come give me a hug". So great. No more skype. Wait- what? NO MORE SKYPEEE!!! wow. wohowww. sleepy pills are setting in.
Anyway. I gotta end this quick or i'll be misusing 'your' all over the place. I still feel a little lost. But I got a job or two, have another interview tomorrow, have an amazing wonderful boyfriend that loves me, live at home for free, and really need to get my butt in gear with these IS classes. I will have them finished by August. At which point I want to do hair school at Gemini Salon. Then go to grad school and get my LCSW. Yeah mmmk so we will go with that for now. And i've gotten fat. So that's nice. Well sweet dreeeeeaaammsss i'm sleepy out!
xxoo miss jer bree
So hey. I graduated. Well kinda. I walked in graduation ceremonies, but I haven't actually received the degree. I have a few small independent study classes to brush out of the way, and then they will give me that gosh forsaken piece of paper.
I moved home. That has been a joke and a half. Just kidding. Kinda. My mom is fantastic, and so is the stepdad, but parents are still parents and if you live at home... well. You live at home.
Can someone just please tell me where this yellow brick road is? I've been looking for it and asking all the tin-lookin men, but can't seem to find it. I thought that after graduation, I would be carried away by a sparkling blurb, strong enough to hold my weight and whisk me away into pretty-looking nothingness as i gently wave my glittering wand at the lovely looking midgets below me, squeaking my beautiful name in highest admiration. ummm what? didn't happen. not even close. (i'm sick of pushing shift, so let us just cope with the lower case for now).
My life up to this point has been a marathon. I've passed people, and people have passed me. I've helped others, and others have lifted me. I've learned and grown and struggled along the way, but I just kept pushing. And finally, in April, I reached the finish line. But then what? I collapsed and drank some water and looked around to see people expecting me to stand back up, and walk away. But toward what? Nobody told me that there was life after the finish line. I never even thought about it, as silly as it sounds. I just assumed i would be married (the boyfriend and i are not rushing into that anytime soon) or have a job lined up (and magically appear off the magnificent job tree that everyone Doesn't talk about). But instead- i entered a great state of what we will call 'lost'- for lack of a deeper term.
I couldn't find a job. Anywhere. I was out of school. Living with my parents. And that wasn't going so hott. My mom and i love like sisters, and fight like them as well. One day i was being a total beezy and i overheard her tell my stepdad that 'if she is so unhappy here then maybe she should just move out to Malibu and be with her boyfriend'...
Jumped on a plane the next day.
Malibu was good. But it didn't deem me any less 'lost'. It was nice to run away for a month or so, but I knew about the nothingness that awaited me at home, and nothing stressed me out more! Nonetheless, it waited for me. Oh so patiently. And I came home to it...
Hayes (boyfriend) moved here a week ago. Yeah- let's change the subject and talk about that. It was an interesting change. We talked about it with our therapist before we left Cali, but it still proved rocky at first. You have to understand that the only thing i knew in our relationship was the long distance dynamic. When we were together, we were inseparable. And when we were apart, we were untouchable (like i literally could not touch him. 2 states away). That's all I had known. So now you try and guess what happened when he moved here. I had a few theories, one of which played out.
I clung. I clung to him for dear life since the second he stepped foot in the state. I spent every waking second with him. For days. He tried to get me to go home (for the mere reason of my mother threatening me with my life and me not having changed clothes or showered for days), but i freaked. I panicked, and he held me for yet another night. It was so unhealthy. And all this together time, discombobulated, high stress situation provided for many angry words. My emotions were on crack- holy hot mess. So finally, I found the courage to choose to leave him, and trust that he would be there in the morning. It was one of the hardest things i've done. don't judge me. I was convinced he'd be gone come sunrise. I cried and cried and cried and couldn't sleep. Attachment issues, much? I don't know if its from my dad, or just the nature of Hayes' and I relationship, but it was bad.
But guess what... after that one rough night, it was fine. I was fine, he was fine. We were fine. And we've been in pure bliss ever since. It is just the coolest thing to have a boyfriend. Here. In the flesh. If i need a hug its like "ring ring oh hey boyfriend i'm at your house
Anyway. I gotta end this quick or i'll be misusing 'your' all over the place. I still feel a little lost. But I got a job or two, have another interview tomorrow, have an amazing wonderful boyfriend that loves me, live at home for free, and really need to get my butt in gear with these IS classes. I will have them finished by August. At which point I want to do hair school at Gemini Salon. Then go to grad school and get my LCSW. Yeah mmmk so we will go with that for now. And i've gotten fat. So that's nice. Well sweet dreeeeeaaammsss i'm sleepy out!
xxoo miss jer bree
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