D vs. P

It's 4 am... Perhaps none of this will make sense, but i just finished my psych research analysis... so why not blog? haha. Tonight was really fun- we had a mock birthday party for Talli! I posted pics on my fbook- it was a blast and i seriously love my roommates/bff's...
After/at the end of the party, we watched I Am Sam. I cried. and cried. and cried all the way thru even til the ending credits. I loved it- i love when my soul is reached into. But it is bittersweet because ohhh how inadequate I feel to be going into the field i've chosen. (If you're confused- watch the movie ;) Psychology is such a deep, deep field. One that affects peoples lives, one that IS peoples lives. It is their quality of life, their mental state, their emotional well being and how it affects the physical, their life experiences, their hopes and dreams, what is most essential to them, who they live in relation to, their meaning for living and the things they fill their life with. So deep... And many times I feel inadequate to be in this field- affecting these many aspects and learning to better understand them. But I have such a passion for it, and knowing that it is my passion somehow makes it okay. Because I will handle it with care since it's so important to me- remembering that comforts me.
But I also have another side, another passion... and that's dance (D). It is my other 'alter-ego' if you will. It is my fun, flirty, fashionable, and most importantly- free, side. I can be serious and deep- that happens with my Psychology (P). But sometimes I just want to be crazy, spontaneous, unfocused, center of attention, life of the party, and i can be rather good at it because of my 'yellow' personality. It comes easy to me, but will it take me where i want to go in this life? I've been talking to a lot of people about this... about which side i should cater to. I feel that from this post it is obvious that my 'P' side should take the reigns... but my 'D' side often seems more me. I don't have to work for it, and it comes naturally to be honest. D likes to party. She likes to make friends and date hot black men. She doesn't really like to take risks, unless it is part of some friendly/spontaneous fun rampage. She doesn't take life too seriously and embraces her eccentricities. She works at the golf course in the summer making tips in her daisy dukes. Then there's P. P enjoys good times as well, but in a more mature fashion. She isn't necessarily boring (as if any aspect of me could be boring... even in my alter-ego's haha), but she impresses people with her emotional depth and deep desires. P gives inspiring talks in church and is very professional when needed. P is trying to learn how to take risks and venture into unmarked territory such as an interview for a job at the state prison as a Psychological Technician teaching inmates and administering iq/personality tests, conducting interviews and being involved with the psychoanalysis or group therapy sessions (wish me luck- the interview is on Wednesday!). But she is afraid of rejection and doesn't always believe in herself or in her potential. She is hesitant with men and likes to stick to the ones she's already close to. But she's learning. She motivates people and wants to attend grad school in a year.

It is interesting to live with these two alter-ego's, especially when they conflict. But i do feel like i am figuring it out. And honestly- i have many more than two (no this is not dissociative identity disorder haha) But it is often difficult to foster these two dominant sides. For instance: D likes to party at night and then talk to boys on the phone and not clean her messy room, but then P has to wake up early and take academic exams and write research papers or present at conferences. It's an interesting ride, and I'm sure i will get better at finding balance as time goes on. For now... i sleep and hope that when i read this in the morning at least some of it makes sense. ;)

xoxo miss jer bree