D vs. P

It's 4 am... Perhaps none of this will make sense, but i just finished my psych research analysis... so why not blog? haha. Tonight was really fun- we had a mock birthday party for Talli! I posted pics on my fbook- it was a blast and i seriously love my roommates/bff's...
After/at the end of the party, we watched I Am Sam. I cried. and cried. and cried all the way thru even til the ending credits. I loved it- i love when my soul is reached into. But it is bittersweet because ohhh how inadequate I feel to be going into the field i've chosen. (If you're confused- watch the movie ;) Psychology is such a deep, deep field. One that affects peoples lives, one that IS peoples lives. It is their quality of life, their mental state, their emotional well being and how it affects the physical, their life experiences, their hopes and dreams, what is most essential to them, who they live in relation to, their meaning for living and the things they fill their life with. So deep... And many times I feel inadequate to be in this field- affecting these many aspects and learning to better understand them. But I have such a passion for it, and knowing that it is my passion somehow makes it okay. Because I will handle it with care since it's so important to me- remembering that comforts me.
But I also have another side, another passion... and that's dance (D). It is my other 'alter-ego' if you will. It is my fun, flirty, fashionable, and most importantly- free, side. I can be serious and deep- that happens with my Psychology (P). But sometimes I just want to be crazy, spontaneous, unfocused, center of attention, life of the party, and i can be rather good at it because of my 'yellow' personality. It comes easy to me, but will it take me where i want to go in this life? I've been talking to a lot of people about this... about which side i should cater to. I feel that from this post it is obvious that my 'P' side should take the reigns... but my 'D' side often seems more me. I don't have to work for it, and it comes naturally to be honest. D likes to party. She likes to make friends and date hot black men. She doesn't really like to take risks, unless it is part of some friendly/spontaneous fun rampage. She doesn't take life too seriously and embraces her eccentricities. She works at the golf course in the summer making tips in her daisy dukes. Then there's P. P enjoys good times as well, but in a more mature fashion. She isn't necessarily boring (as if any aspect of me could be boring... even in my alter-ego's haha), but she impresses people with her emotional depth and deep desires. P gives inspiring talks in church and is very professional when needed. P is trying to learn how to take risks and venture into unmarked territory such as an interview for a job at the state prison as a Psychological Technician teaching inmates and administering iq/personality tests, conducting interviews and being involved with the psychoanalysis or group therapy sessions (wish me luck- the interview is on Wednesday!). But she is afraid of rejection and doesn't always believe in herself or in her potential. She is hesitant with men and likes to stick to the ones she's already close to. But she's learning. She motivates people and wants to attend grad school in a year.

It is interesting to live with these two alter-ego's, especially when they conflict. But i do feel like i am figuring it out. And honestly- i have many more than two (no this is not dissociative identity disorder haha) But it is often difficult to foster these two dominant sides. For instance: D likes to party at night and then talk to boys on the phone and not clean her messy room, but then P has to wake up early and take academic exams and write research papers or present at conferences. It's an interesting ride, and I'm sure i will get better at finding balance as time goes on. For now... i sleep and hope that when i read this in the morning at least some of it makes sense. ;)

xoxo miss jer bree

songs to my soul

Blackbird by The Beatles
Lazy Song by Bruno Mars
Rolling in the Deep by Adele
Only Girl (cover) by Hobbie Stuart
California Girls (cover) by Bruno Mars

xoxo miss jer bree
p.s. 5 months from today ;)

whats on MY mind?

I have a few things on my mind right now...

The first is country music. Ahhh i just love it. I can't get enough these days. I was even live on kbull the other day!! Sometimes the only thing that feels right is a perfect country song. It is just so fulfilling- especially when you've been listening to the empty lyrics of pop music singing about sex, violence and vodka. I go thru these phases with each genre of music... but right now country has my heart and my ears. :)
Here are my current faves:
Love like crazy- lee brice, Don't you wanna stay- jason aldean w/ kelly clarkson, Let me down easy- billy currington, Are you gonna kiss me or not- thompson square, Who are you when i'm not lookin- blake shelton, Turn on the radio- reba mcentire, Why wait- rascal flatts... and lots others :)
i like the ke$ha reference in the first line of Uncle Kracker's- Good to be me. hahaha

i'm also thinking about tune (see last blog). i just lover her and am so grateful that we have been best friends for so long and that nothing can break that bond because even being apart for a few years doesn't change the fact that we are totally on the same page. bff's for almost 9 years now!

i mean totally on the same page haha.

and the last thing i've been thinking about is cheaters. People that cheat on their significant other... i think it is so so so sad. heartbreaking. and what is even more sad is that a part of society just wants to brush it off and pretend like it's not a big deal... justify it. call me old school... but i think there is something to be said about couples that remain faithful. i have even noticed a relaxed attitude within myself on the matter- such as: well they aren't married yet so it's not As bad. But it's not about whether they're 30 years married or 1 month dating... cheating is an attitude, not just an act. i've been watching the show 'parenthood' on hulu, and it really got me thinking. i love that show because i think it does a great job of portraying the reality of those situations. my favorite part is at 39:40 on the episode Qualities and Difficulties. I love that. I love the value that is conveyed and the respect and the 'hip'ness of it as well. fidelity is shown here as a modern value that is unique yet valuable. I have had a few friends tell me about their devastating break ups due to their other half cheating on them. So, so sad that we live in a world where we get What we want When we want it How we want it. That is where adultery comes from- i believe. The mentality of getting what we want when we want, and not having to pay a price for it. A guest speaker in one of my Psych classes called us the "ME" generation. I was initially offended, but then realized how true it is. If it doesn't benefit ME if it isn't on MY timing or doesn't give ME satisfaction... i want no part of it. What happened to good ole altruism? The egoist seem to be taking the majority these days, breaking apart relationships and families or forfeiting jobs and close pals.

And that, my friends, is what's wrong in this world. according to ME ;)

xoxo miss jer bree

Girls Weekend

Last weekend was sooooo fantastic!! Friday evening, Tal and i picked up and headed to the great land of st. george for some much needed 'tuna time'! It was so fabulous to be with our preggers. Lotsa girl talk and shopping and girl talk and girl talk and more girl talk haha. I loved every second and seriously debated just never coming home. It was a weekend of reflection and fun and rejuvenation and kissing of the prego belly! I miss my best friend but am glad that she is living her life and setting such a wonderful example for me and our other besties!







xoxo miss jer bree