Let us start there... Glee. :) Ohhh the joy that show brings me. It was like somebody made a show with all my favorite things and gave it that four letter name. But unfortunately, i finished my Glee marathon this break. I have officially seen every single episode ever made. There are none left to obsess over. How depressing.
My break has been pretty good. Christmas was fantastic- naturally. But I had a weight on my shoulders all through the holiday. Because I am a teacher's assistant, my craziest times are midterms and finals. Well i thought midterms were bad... finals sucked the life right out of me! I didn't even get to experience the euphoric feeling of finishing my last final and walking out of that testing center looking straight forward to enjoying a carefree break. I had to jump immediately into reading the efforts of fellow agonizing students as they stumbled thru their own finals. I had grades to enter and scores to give... good and bad alike. It was exhausting and took many hours. But I finally finished on Monday and my much anticipated break began! (for reals this time).
Now I have loved the many gifts and all the Christmas cheer as well as family gatherings that come with the season, but I am so ready to go back to my own Orem home. I am absolutely a creature of habit. Now this may seem contradicting to my spontaneous and easily-bored-with-mundane-situations personality. But the thing is- I love to have my structure, and then explore the many spontaneous options within. My little Orem townhouse is familiar, filled with friends, a world of my own control, and not to mention- newly redecorated! It is an environment strictly tailored to fit my wants and needs. It is my own little heaven. Coming back to slc is fabulous, but still out of my element. In fact- I went an entire day today without seeing somebody my own age. That is a really big deal for me! haha
But! Despite my excitement to get back- i have really enjoyed being home! I can barely walk... but honest- i've really enjoyed it ;) haha. I just happen to have a workout nazi for a mother. And we are two in the same... meaning that we feed off of each other. I mean can you imagine what it feels like to know that your 44 year old mother is up at the break of dawn workin' that treadmill like it's her job- improving those already intensely sculpted abs that make mine look like jello? If not- be grateful. It is a horrible feeling. Horrible enough to get me dragging my sleep deprived sorry butt outta bed and to the gym during the wee hours of the morn. But let us look on the brightside- i think i've lost a few pounds in just a few days! Haha no but i really am incredibly grateful to have such a young spunky mom.
So back to Glee! I was watching the beloved show right... and all of a sudden vocal adrenaline performs and i could swear i recognize one of the dancers- the main girl actually. Of course i assume i'm nuts, but then i continue to pause and fast forward and get close ups. Umm yeah. I used to dance with her. We had sleep overs. Sweetest girl in the world. on tv. Glee! NBD. Oh and have I told you that I knew Julianne Hough before she was "Julianne Hough"? She was on my mom's dance company... we did lunch. again- NBD. I'm not bragging, i am merely showing you how people of my own walk of life are living the dream that i envy. Oh and I get to read about all my fantastic friends going big time in LA or Vegas and live vicariously thru them and their fun stories... yeah its great. (but sarcasm aside= it really is haha) they always leave me so inspired, yet no outlet for such inspiration because i have committed myself so solidly to school.
Or! let us consider my other set of friends- the marrieds. or our newest addition- the preggers! (who is just adorable) fml. What am i doing with my life? it feels like nothing. I'm busting my butt at school. A mormon school. In Utah. Thirty minutes from my family. Chasing a useless degree in a not-well-respected field- depending on who you talk to. (doesn't get crazier than that... Right?? Sike!) Haha. i mean i've been doing the same thing my whole life long. Consider this an invite to my pity party. I want to move to a different state... or better yet- Country! just like my friends that picked up and lived in cali for a summer! Or the cute hillary that does the africa thing for 3 months. What did i do this last summer? i worked. at my mormon school (that i love). doing insurance. oh and took two classes- psychology and american heritage. WHOA DREAM BIG! I mean perhaps i'm being a little dramatic. In fact- i know i'm being dramatic. Because two weeks ago I swore that I'd never been happier and that i wouldn't trade it for the world. But it is soooo easy to lose sight of that. I am definitely in a transition period.
I know it will be worth it in the end... and most of the time i love it. But when I come home for the holidays or whatnot, and catch up with all these people that have such exciting news... i feel like such a lame-o. I have nothing really to show for it. I'm still in the process of working on getting a degree. I may be chasing my dreams, but sometimes it feels like i'm walking backwards. I'm duking out school, but it is still a semester at a time (thank goodness i can graduate in a year from April). But then what do i do? well the plan is grad school- masters of social work. If i find the money... get accepted... blah blah blah. So school sucks. And although i'm dating- there is still that darn missionary that i can't help but wonder about. I wonder if we will date when he gets home at the end of summer... if it will be as perfect as it was when he left... I totally would have married him at any point in our relationship. But that was back then... And to think that after two years we can pick up exactly where we left off or even rekindle that spark? Foolish. (Remember... i was raised by a single mother). But no matter how foolish it is... i still kinda wonder haha. I'm just trying really hard to Not set my self up for devastation. Hope for the best, expect the worst. Right? Well right or not right... that is what i will do. Maybe i'm just dating the wrong guys... if i found one that was really worth dating i wouldn't even be thinking about missionary. if you are the right guy and happen to be reading this, lets chat. ;) So back to my pity party (as if it really ever left)... No boyfriend. No career. No traveling. No babies. No degree. No husband. No vacations or cruises. No great and exciting news... and i have yet to change the world. I'm just a poor college student. In the words of Jack Johnson: I've been sittin, waitin, wishin.
I mean it got to the point where i finally had to drastically change my hair color and work on my room decor so i could feel accomplished.
Okay well pity party is officially over- now let me tell you how happy I am! I got to spend tons of time with my fave Dupaix family- and i even get my kids for all tomorrow night. I cannot wait! I also had a blast with talli for the first few days and we went a little crazy in our house- pure bliss. My mom and i work out together every morning- endorphin perfection! Plus i received bounteous blessings in such a short few days, like HELLO my new mac laptop!! I literally cried... And! I finished off that last semester with a beautiful 3.3 gpa- which at byu is reeeallly hard haha. (for me at least- i.e. yellow personality). It is my best semester gpa thus far. And I can't wait to start this new semester fresh! It is looking to be fantastic! Plus we mustn't forget New Years. I am stoked to party with my crew... it has been much too long.
And even tho i spend my money on tuition, books, and food instead of nails, trips, and clothes-And I spend my time in psych or dance class, hanging with friends, or studying much too long instead of performing, having a life, and making a man my everything- i seriously couldn't be happier. I mean by the time i am 23 I will already have my masters degree and be doing what i love! And I will always remember these college days... the crazy adventures that come with finals week... my fantastic ta jobs that i am so lucky to have and that have doubled my friend quota... sporting events... lazy days that are so enjoyable because i really have such few responsibilities... and the lengths that we go to for grocery/gas money. These are the days. And if I can't be happy and love my life now, no external change- job, mission, trip, weight loss, a man, money or otherwise will help me. If anything- those things will bring more anxiety and problems haha. It is proven that middle class people are often just as satisfied as millionaires or lottery winners. There is a book called Rich on Any Income. The author swears that if you don't save while you're poor... you won't suddenly save when you're rich. It is more about your attitudes and behaviors than your situation. Well i think the same applies to lifelong happiness. Happiness is an attitude, not a situation. Sure- those can help. But it is something that can be created. And i LOVE hearing and seeing everyone create their happiness... i guess i just sometimes forget to open my eyes to mine own.
Well. i've got a date with that 2nd row treadmill and the workout nazi lady bright and early tomorrow.. sweetest dreams!
xoxo miss jer bree
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