Friend Wanted

As it is Spring time and school is generally out- all my friends decided it would be a grand idea to move home (including myself). Well that seems dandy and all except for the fact that it leaves me ridiculously lacking in the friend department. Now don't get me wrong- i have a lot of friends that i genuinely love. But they either have 3 kids, are engaged, live at least thirty minutes away, or actually have a life. So here it is- my Friend Ad. If you so happen to fit this criteria- contact me IMMEDIATELY! :)

1. You must be female. The male species is connotative with pure complication and has hormones that i don't feel like dealing with. Plus- there is a chance that you will fall for me, or someone of my same gender thus leaving me once again friend-less. So yes, must be female. Unless you are a gay male- which in turn conflicts with my next requirement.

2. Must be lds and have high standards. I will discriminate all i want with the greatest amount of love possible. If you are not lds, i invite you to visit mormon.org or call (888) 537-7111 for your free copy of The Book of Mormon, another testament of Jesus Christ. Also feel free to ask me questions. So why do i require an active member for this specific friend position? my lifestyle requires someone that will go to church, read my Joseph and Emma book with me, make frequent temple trips, and get lost in deep spiritual discussions.

3. Know how to have fun. Spontaneous at times, able to adapt to whatever situation we get in.

4. Must not have a life. Unless we are hanging out. Which will be most of the time.

5. Must be entirely single and have zero potential interest of men. A girl with a boyfriend is dead to me. I still love her with all my heart, but she's gone. (Clarification: You must like men. Just not a specific one.)

6. Must possess all eight Young women values.

7. Can never be 'too busy' for me. If we are going to make this friendship work, each of us needs to give 110%.

8. Can't be too high maintenance.

9. Has to be intelligent. (to make up for my lacking).

10. Patient and well kept/stylish.

11. Willing to compromise and way chill.

12. Someone I can share the highs and lows of life with.

13. Must L-O-V-E Michael Jackson. LOVE him.

14. Mustn't mind, in fact, must enjoy doing all things with me from the boring family visits and room organizing to the fun crazy nights and shopping trips.

15. We must get along ideally well and enjoy each others company 100%.

16. Must be a cheerful, optimistic individual.

*Yes, i realize this is absurd. But seriously- it would be so great to find such a person :)*